Thursday, February 8, 2007

These Quasi-Sports Related Points Make Us Feel Sad

1) Testy, feed your dog!

The best part about this is that people in a gated community with $1.5 million houses have Ron Artest as a neighbor.

FTT will now pause for a moment of not so silent contemplation, which will manifest itself as a bellyfull of deep, dark, laughter at the misfortunes of the rich.

Not since Spree's Fellow Yachtsmen have property values taken such a hit...

2) Peyton Manning is the SB MVP?

Um... well, he *was* the best QB in the game, that's for sure. After all, he did throw for all those touchdowns. Wait, um, none? Wow. And a bad pick at the start of the game, too. Well, it's not like a RB dominated the game (Rhodes: 113 yards rushing and a TD, Addai: 77 rushing, 66 recieving). Or that the O-Line could actually get a little love for once: Jeff Saturday was huge. Or go for Bob Sanders, who made a back-breaking interception and made a historically bad run defense good by coming back...

Anyway, no, good for the Meat Cutter. As True Prophet Stephen Colbert has said, maybe he can now get some endorsements.

3) Prince's Devil Dick

It astounds FTT that this is actually a story. Here's a small historical note: Jimi Hendrix played his guitar like it was his dick. FORTY FREAKING YEARS AGO. Then he'd light it on fire. Prince even played a little Hendrix during his set with "All Along The Watchtower."

We get, on some pathetic level, the uproar over NippleGate (what will we tell the children?). But when 40-year-old rock schtick is a story... holy moley. We're about six months from going all Unabomber about the media.

4) John Amaechi: Because Being An Active Gay Athlete is Impossible

FTT has a long-standing grudge towards Penn State, and is resisting many, many jokes. Or, well, maybe not. Happy Valley! (It's OK, John. Maybe you can go hang out with Ted Haggard.)

5) This is ouurrrr... failed presidential run

Only slightly related to sports, but Sen. John Edwards, according to the only true news show on television (The Daily Show with Jon Stewart), is using John Mellencamp's "This Is Our Country" for his campaign theme.

FTT tries to avoid mixing politics with sports -- you got your douchebag in my peanut butter! hey, you got your peanut butter in my douchebag! -- and we may or may not agree with Senator Edwards on many things.

But he can just go to hell right now, on general principles.

6) Pro Bowl Fever -- Catch It!

Will Tony Romo lead the NFC to victory? Can Tom Brady become the new Peyton Manning and roll up big numbers? Can someone get the career-ending injury that guts keeper fantasy league owners, leading to the eventual cancellation of the game? And why can't the winning conference get the home game for the SB next year, so that this time, the Pro Bowl counts?

(Oh, because that would be unspeakably stupid? Right. Sorry we mentioned it.)


The Truth said...

Can we get Tipper Gore in here to declare "Our Country" offensive so we never have to hear it again?

DMtShooter said...

Too useful. Besides, she's still inconsolable after the Prince Devil Dick.

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