Tuesday, July 3, 2007

A Prayer For Jesus's Buttocks

From the Washington Post -- (Washington Nationals) reliever Jesus Colome remained in a hopsital yesterday with an infection on his right buttocks, though GM Jim Bowden said he would get out today. The Nationals don't know when Colome, 4-0 with a 2.76 ERA in 40 appearances, will be able to pitch. "It's a serious situation," Bowden said. "We pray for his buttocks and his family."

This reliever, who art stricken
Wounded be thine ass
Thy Buttocks hurt, and
Thy Ass be done,
For 15 days, perhaps retroactive.
Give us this day a better ass
And forgive us our blasphemes
As we forgive those that blaspheme agains us.
And lead us not into titillation,
But deliver us from an image search.
For thine has the problem,
the power, and the infamy.
For ever and ever.
Sucks to be you.

1 comment:

Five Tool Ninja said...

You are obviously ignorant of the time-honored (even if little-recognized) tradition in baseball of GMs offering prayers for the body parts and families of their players when speaking to the press.

For example, in 1980, KC Royals GM Joe Burke offered his best to George Brett when he said that "It's a severe situation. We call on the Almighty on behalf of his hemorrhoid-infested anal cavity, and for his wife and children."

And in 1994, Phillies GM Ed Wade said of John Kruk: "The situation is critical. We ask God's blessings on his cancer-riddled testicle, and for his loved ones."

Do you homework, man.

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