Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Welcoming our new Cowboy Overlords

My enthusiasm over the not so Giant honeymoon has, sadly, been tempered by the knowledge that the Dallas Cowboys are constructing the best team in the history of life, the universe, and everything. It's as if my Eagles, with some exceptional free agent pickups, a stable coaching and ownership situation with less child drug felony distractions, and any amount of health and/or luck... nah. Not against the gods among men in Dallas.

I mean, have you looked at this roster? There will be fourteen Pro Bowlers -- fourteen! -- once they finish the Adam Jones transformation. There is the tested experience of a franchise that does not have a playoff win in this millennium, and the sheer managerial brilliance of Jerry Jones, who took an emerging roster filled with Bill Parcells guys (in other words, people who are not exceptionally likely to get arrested) and added Mr. Jones, Tank Johnson, and some secret "Island of Dr. Moreau" half-man half-animals to the practice squad. (What, that's not common knowledge yet? Damm. I guess it's time for another trip to the team's secret orientation complex in Mexico...)

Everywhere you look, everything is turning up Cowboys. Terrell Owens got a big new contract and extra attention from the league office for missing a drug test. Jones had an ex-associate die. Roy Williams gets to go to the bench like a good little soldier so that the team can slide in a rusty, demonikered Jones. Maybe he'll work up some new penalty for the NFL to invent on his behalf!

Terry Glenn threw a fit over a contract, leading the #2 WR slot firmly in the hands of Patrick Crayton, who didn't have any consistency or drop issues last season. Tony Romo continued his commitment to celebrity poon, which can't possible have PR repercussions in light of his past playoff performances. Tank Johnson is said to be getting comfortable and ready to take on a leadership role, presumably by force. Marian Barber gets all the touches now that Julius Jones is in Seattle, so he won't wear down at all. They start the season on the road in Cleveland and at home against the Eagles, which is just an easy-peasy way to go, really.

Oh, and it's also Year Two of the Wade Phillips Era, where he can really show his skills.

Nope, it's their year, all right. No way they are being set up for a massive disappointment-fest. I'm not looking forward to this season at all...

1 comment:

Tracer Bullet said...

They're a team full of "stars" and Jerry Jones always make good copy. That they've yet to win a thing this millennium is irrelevant. Hater.

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