Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Top 10 MLB moves for hard times

Inspired by the recent NY Times piece on how baseball was during the last Great Depression, the next steps for the sport that's just going to get killed by a sudden lack of discretionary consumer spending. Good seats will be available!

10. Foul balls to be returned, along with lost bats, helmets, steroid needles and uneaten Cracker Jack

9. Due to budgetary cutbacks, late inning lefty relievers have to work to two hitters a week, rather than one

8. Wizened old dugout coaches who've seen it all to be replaced by lifelike lawn statues

7. Alyssa Milano to be replaced by Nancy McKeon

6. Real grass to be replaced by futuristic and easy to maintain Astroturf

5. Top stars to be sold to Japanese teams

4. Charge fantasy sports players for stats, since fantasy sports players are in no way likely to bitch over this

3. Make the players play football on Sundays for the likely ratings boost

2. Free agent collusion, since that worked so well the last time they tried it

1. Just make the Yankees and Red Sox play each other in a Best of 163, the way ESPN wants

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