Thursday, January 15, 2009

Top 10 reasons why America should root for an All-Pennsylvania Super Bowl

I know, I know, I'm insane to speak of the possibility when the game will be the exact opposite of what I want. Hell, this NFL season is so freaky weird, I keep waiting to wake up during Week 1 as Tom Brady avoids injury. But assuming that we live in the actual world, there's fairly few interesting options for the final game but... the matchup I won't say. Now, I'm off to knock wood, throw salt and throw some runes. Or something.

10. After enduring more of the 2008 presidential election that just about any other state, you owe us

9. Might give Ohio hope that, one day, they too might get professional football teams

8. Will finally determine whether the state capital of Harrisburg is Steeler or Eagle Country, and whether either team wants it

7. Finally, the historic saga of the Phil-Pitt Steagles will be widely known

6. Weeks of follow-up interviews about the Week 17 Raiders loss with Jon "Chokey Chucky" Gruden could make him snap like a twig

5. Might finally get people to shut up about how stupendously, insanely, ridiculously hard it is to beat a team three times in a year, despite the fact it's happened 11 out of 18 times to date

4. The last time that the Ravens were in the Super Bowl, it was only slightly easier to watch than self-surgery, without anesthesia, on your own junk

3. If Arizona makes the Super Bowl, Kurt Warner's over-the-top Jebus praise will finally make all of the other gods throw down, and the economy is bad enough as it is

2. Too many of us are bitter and clinging to guns, without nearly enough Happy Religion

1. Does a Ravens-Cardinals Super Bowl even sell out?


J-Red said...

Sorry, as a Ravens fan and Marylander, I could only support this if all ten reasons involved western Pennsylvania collapsing into a coal mine and eastern Pennsylvania finally joining New Jersey. Central PA can continue to exist in the form of an interminable turnpike traffic jam between Harrisburg and Breezewood.

I guess we'll take York.

DMtShooter said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
DMtShooter said...

As a resident of the Garden State (and the joke that makes it true: which exit?), it would be the bottom in any state relationship. North should go to NY, south and central should go to PA.

As for central PA, just quarantine it and let the Klansmen live out their days in isolation. That area is ready to secede anyway.

Ads In This Size Rule