Sunday, August 23, 2009

Top 10 rules for naming your fantasy football team

It amazes me to realize that, so many years into this nerd exercise, that there are still so many out and out awful team names out there. In leagues that I'm in, I'm seeing any number of misteps that are straight outta the '80s. It's sad. So since we're all about Making It Better, here are the ten rules you must follow to get a team name. Ignore them at your peril.

10) Go for timeless. Those Pac-Man jokes just seem more rubbing it in now, and your Travis Henry pull is also a reach. Referring to infamy is fine, but it better have a shelf life.

9) Plural nouns. The whole point of fantasy sports is to actually have a team. When you go for something singular, you wind up becoming the Utah Jazz. And that never ends well.

8) Avoid puns. The lowest form of humor, for a reason. These are defensible only if you are trying to antagonize the rest of your league into going off tilt. But seeing as how that rarely works in reality, just find something else to use, OK?

7) Private jokes are fine. Especially if you can reference a shameful moment from your past, or from a competitor. But it's got to be actually funny to more than, well, you.

6) Homophobia is so, um, gay. Besides, by the numbers, one of the people in your league swings that way, so you're coming on to them. You big tease.

5) One year, one name. Changing your team's name doesn't just lose the comparison to real-world sports, it's also downright annoying for the rest of the league to deal with, especially in regards to trades and waiver picks ups. Get over yourself and stick with your name. Besides, you've got all of those merchandise sales to worry about.

4) Stop sniffing your favorite laundry. This is obvious, but honestly, there are people in this world that just name their fake teams after real ones. I'm fine with that, but truth in advertising demands that you own nothing but that team's players.

3) Your name matters. Seriously, you'll be staring at it for four months or more, and as silly as it sounds, I'm certain that a great team name has a strong statistical corollary to a winning year. Take some time, or at the very least, do a little research and steal a good one. (Hint: This blog has lists. So do others.)

2) Keeper league, keeper name. It's one thing to change your team's name every year with a total redraft league, but if you're going down the path of serious nerdom, your name should follow suit. Tradition!

1) Shorts. Your team name, regardless of length, has to have a shorter nickname that works for quick hitter use. And oh, by the way? You might want to figure out what name is *before* you pick your team name...

1 comment:

Dave Shimp said...

Do you not like my team name? I'm hurt.

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