Sunday, September 13, 2009

Top 10 NFL Commercial Questions

10) If AT&T saves you so much with rollover minutes, why does the mom look like she's going to have her head explode from the constant stress of her cell phone bill?

9) If Direct TV is made for people like Tom Arnold, as their ad plainly states, are they aware that their service is for the most unappetizing losers on Earth?

(And in a side note, I'd like to update the blog's readers that Direct TV has now moved to no less than their sixth collection agency and their third year of trying to collect on a two-month charge that they accessed to my closed account, six months after I moved. They will collect when hell freezes over; I do not care what damage could be happening to my credit record, as it's become one of those dreaded Matters of Principle. So, if you are thinking about switching to Direct TV, by all means, go with my blessing. Just do not give them a credit card number for automatic billing, and know that if they have any chance to bone you without lube, they'll do it. I'm fairly sure there's a corporation I hate more than Direct TV, if only because Halliburton exists. But maybe not.)

8) Do you really want to stake your product's credibility around the the idea that a play involving Hank Baskett can make you change the way you view the game?

7) Has anyone ever had their choice of home repair store impacted by the sponsorship of a postgame show?

6) If "Sons of Anarchy" is really "The Sopranos in leather jackets", doesn't this imply that no one on "The Sopranos" ever wore a leather jacket?

5) Is anyone else concerned that Adrian Peterson appears to be some kind of synthetic form of life, or perhaps a mutant reptile? (Just make sure not to drink his endorsed sports drink, for fear of losing your humanity.)

4) What, exactly, do remarkably irritating faux infomercials about combination cooler / grills have to do with drinking beer, and should we assume that any beer company that chooses to spend their ad dollars in this way has absolutely nothing good to say about their product? (Um, yes.)

3) Does Denis Leary talk like that for everything, or just when he's trading in his artistic integrity for cash?

2) Given the myriad number of health issues related to ingesting KFC's "food", how can anything on their menu be considered a "value"?

1) Is anyone else ready to buy a General Motors car out of pity?

1 comment:

Tracer Bullet said...

FYI, that Budweiser kegergrill (or whatever the hell it's called) is available on the company website, and serves as This Week's Sign of the Apocalypse.

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