Thursday, July 15, 2010

Top 12 reasons why the Warriors sold for a record price of $450 million

12) They are very big fans of the new/old Bay Bridge logo

11) The Warrior Girls are, how shall we say, full service

10) Owner Chris Cohan decided that even though Oracle's Larry Ellison offered more for it, he'd like to go out with the same idiotic strategies that he followed all of those years

9) When you've got a franchise with the kind of storied history as Clippers North, you just have to pay a premium

8) It would have been just $400 million, but Guber insisted on throwing in a last-minute Cleveland Steamer on Chris Cohan as payback for all he's done to Bay Area fans

7) The higher price includes a bribe to the commissioner's office to not make a big deal over how Lacob, a minority partner in the Celtics, will help the Warriors take over the Kevin McHale T-Wolves role as the unofficial farm team

6) The price includes a full case of Don Nelson's wine, and a firm promise from the coach that he'll care until at least January this time

5) It would have been more, but Lacob lost money by financing the, gulp, American Basketball League (aka, the league that wasn't good enough to compete with the WNBA)

4) When you've got a mascot that's this butch, you have to expect to pay top dollar

3) Seeing how Cohan bought the team for $1119 million, owned them for 15 years, and made the playoffs once (!), he really deserves the big return on investment

2) Lacob and Guber also get the thrill of firing all of Cohan's minions

1) Rich dumb people like to buy things from other rich dumb people


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Was this supposed to be remotely funny? I'm sorry that you wasted your time posting it. Must have been a hell of a struggle for your two brain cells coming up with such hilarious points.

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