Saturday, August 14, 2010

Top 10 reasons why Niners RB Glen Coffee retired

Coffee, a third round pick from Alabama last year, abruptly announced his retirement from the game, leaving the team with egg on its face from a blown pick, and looking for another backup to starter Frank Gore. What are the real reasons why Coffee took a powder?

10) He's always dreamed of ending his working life at age 23

9) One too many pun-inspired jokes about his last name

8) Knew that he was totally spent after 14 games, 83 carries and 226 yards

7) Just could not self-identify with Coach Mike Singletary's desire for winners

6) Knows that there was no chance that Frank Gore could get hurt

5) According to certain members of Blogfrica, Coffee would rather spend his Sundays preventing others from watching football

4) He didn't quite get that retiring to get out of training camp only works if you've got a Wrangler sponsorship

3) When Niner positions coach Tom Rathman yells at you, he's totally mean about it

2) Having made over $200K of his signing bonus, had no need for the other $600K

1) Knew that if he had to spend another year in San Francisco after looking at all of those ugly guys in Alabama, he was totally going to get The Gay


Anonymous said...

This writer planned to end this stupid and unfunny list with a gay slur, but couldn't even get that right.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Anonymous Internet Troll, why so much hate? Your opinions will still hold the same value when you come out of the closet.

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