Friday, November 12, 2010

Top 10 reasons why ESPN canned Joe Morgan

10) Wanted to lower the demo-graphic age of Sunday Night Baseball viewers to under 70

9) They finally heard about the Internet, and how everyone on it has ripped Morgan

8) Seeing how he works for ESPN, there's a better than even money chance of him showing cell phone pictures of L'il Joe, touching someone inappropriately, or abusing the production people

7) Modern viewers of baseball are actually kind of OK with mentioning statistics that require more than the ability to count

6) There's no one left in the game that he played with that anyone in the audience cares about, even a little

5) All part of the network's campaign to rid itself of former second basemen of African-American descent

4) Needed someone more dynamic to liven up those half-dozen four-hour Yankee-Red Sox teethpulls

3) Morgan was blocking Orel Hershiser from achieving his full potential as an unrelenting scold

2) Part of a secret deal to get Billy Beane to cast key ESPN personnel in the new "Moneyball" movie

1) After 20 years, finally realized that he's joyless, tiresome, pedantic, insufferable and utterly without any form of posititve merit


BobbyD said...

I'm not disagreeing with any of the specifics of this list. But, I am do you explain the existence, let alone the continual employment, of Tim McCarver. It's pretty sad that I actually have to "mute" the World Series.

DMtShooter said...

I actually met McCarver once, as a child, in the press elevator at the Vet in Philadelphia. McCarver started there, after his last few years as Steve Carlton's caddy, and was much more personable. Recognizing him, I asked for his autograph, to the bemusement of the rest of the journos in the car. He smiled and said, "Hold my ice tea" as he went for my program. Being a smart ass and the son of a bartender, I replied, "Looks more like a rum and coke," which caused the car to bust up hard. McCarver laughed, signed my program and left. Kinda fun.

Anyway... I think McCarver found a niche for himself as the George Will-ish inside points expert, with none of his stuff being about numbers. So he was unique to start, then just remained employed. These guys, it's more about their relationships with their employers, not the public.

BobbyD said...

I wasn't suggesting that McCarver wasn't a nice guy, I'm sure he is. But, as a broadcaster, he is the most annoying, borderline condescending, of them all. If I have to listen to another "speaking of..." story from him, I may have to hurt myself. Oh well, the season's over for now. I won't have to listen for several months. Funny story by the way, I love a smart ass.

DMtShooter said...

Agreed on all counts, with the one small mitigating factor... As an ex-journo, I can tell you that pound for pound, your greatest per capita athlete ratio to asshat is highest in baseball. It stands to reason; the most guys with just high school educations, and hence no college experience. Most individualistic team sport, with greatest "Screw You, I've Got My Numbers and I'm Getting Paid" potential. Huge salaries and constant travel makes you a rootless rich prick. And so on.

So McCarver was a nice enough guy in the mid 70s. Now? Probably not so much.

Cover asshats long enough, live it in long enough, and I think it's bound to contaminate you. We might need term limits for a lot of these guys, is what I'm saying.

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