Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Top 10 Reasons Why ESPN Launched A Site For Women

The World Wide Lemur launched a new blog-style content site that's all about the womynfolk today. As always, FTT has the inside story.

10) Gives Bill Simmons and Matthew Berry a place to indulge in their MTV and soap opera fetishes where the readers might not want to choke the life out of them with their bare hands

9) Allows company's Web designers the chance to use colors that they've been forbidden by company rule from going near

8) Site will draw immense Web traffic, especially when they fill it with images of glistening homosexuals

7) The site's launch will make it much easier to try to convince the public that celebrity television dancing is a sport

6) It's a fun social experiment to see how many pink hats and jerseys they can sell, because that's really what the ladies like

5) Part of the court-ordered settlement from the Connecticut v. L'il Sean Salisbury case

4) If successful, should lower ESPN's average site viewer demorgaphic down to 75 pounds overweight and 15 years past athletic prime

3) Womens-only enterprises always do well in sports, due to their greater reliance on teamwork and fundamentals

2) Keeps the uppity members of Bristol from making any more solo podcasts

1) Gets us closer to the company's future mission of dozens of demographically targeted properties, so that every group can have its own collection of yammering, fake-laughing, odious and interminably smug people you just want to maim

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