Sunday, January 16, 2011

Jets - Patriots Second Half Diary: Evil Triumps When It Punches Good In The Mouth A Lot

Tate to the 25. WR Julian Edelman to the 37 as order continues to be restored. BJGE for 8. From the Patriot 44, Woodhead is somehow stymied before achieving another gutty first. Sneakable distance? No, a give to BJGE, and Scott eats him in the backfield. So many tears here. So many. Mesko's punt bounces through multiple gunners for a touchback, and that's more proof that the Jets are getting incredibly lucky today. I hate football. Green starts at their own 20.

An out to Holmes for seven; it's disgustingly safe and smart. Greene gains the corner, five yards, and the first. Patriots Fan sounds nervous. Oh, ye of little faith. Greene for five up the gut. Play action to Holmes doesn't connect; catchable ball, but difficult. From the gun at his own 39, Sanchez gives to Tomlinson, who only gets a yard. Ryan remaining conservative. Weatherford can't disappoint with a touchback here, and Edelman is stopped at his own 20. 25 minutes left.

BJGE for two to the left. Winning trickery to Edelman, with Brady showing his mind-boggling leadership by attempting to block. DE Jason Taylor is hobbled. From his own 33, play action deep ball to Tate misses, into double coverage. That had a chance. Play action pocket disinegrates, and Brady is badly sullied and fumbles. How that's not aTuck Rule, I'll never know. BJGE on the recovery. Third and 22 is a checkdown to TE Aaron Hernandez that doesn't get much, and Mesko's punt is nearly touched by Cromartie before it rolls dead for 50 yards of net. We are halfway through the third quarter, and 22 minutes away from the biggest upset in the history of upsets. Along with a massive conversion to nihilism all throughout the country, since it will have become clear that there is nothing to believe in any more.

Sanchez with time takes Greene on a check down for nine. Greene is denied on the short yardage conversion attempt. Third and one from power works for Greene, who gets four. Manly, if evil can be manly. A run blitz misses, and Greene benefits from pancake blocks for a big gain. From the Patriots 43, it's Tomlinson for four, as Green tries to salt this away with Evil Evil Power. From the gun on second, Sanchez misses Tomlinson in the flat. Third and six from the gun sees the QB just get it away before pressure. He misses Cotchery, who was open on a deep corner, and LB Rob Ninkovich is down, due to a lack of virtue. Weatherford continues to blow chances to pin the Patriots deep, putting this one out of bounds at the 20. Evil, it seems, can do many things, but fails at the punting.

From the 20 and the gun, Brady hits Gronkowski on a seam route for 37 yards, and finally, Order Has Been Restored. Quick give to Woodhead, who is held to a yard by Ellis. Brady uses his incredible brain to spike the ball near Woodhead, avoiding the sack or grounding flag. Only Brady could have done that, given his immense brain. Third and nine from the gun, and Branch avoids DB Eric Smith to convert a massive first down. Huge play for Virtue's Team. From the gun, Brady hits Branch in front of Revis for another easy first, and Evil's Tricks are being solved with alacrity. Alacrity! The Jets call time to try to stop virtue's onslaught, like the cowards they are. From the gun, the refs conspire to call a false start on LT Matt Light. First and 15 with 16.5 minutes left from the Green 19. BJGE for 10 on a Woodheadian run. From the Green 9 in the gun, Brady connects with Welker, who holds on despite a big hit, because he is shockingly brave. Brady with time eventually finds Crumpler for the score, and Evil Is Wobbling. Wobbling! The Patriots go for two, and from the gun, RB Sammy Morris takes a direct snap -- dare I call it Wild? I DARE! -- for a lunging run up the middle. I'm surprised that the Jets haven't just conceded at this point, seeing how all of their momentum is gone. Jets 14, Patriots 11 with 15:13 left in the game. 8 plays, 80 yards, and exactly what they needed.

Cromartie takes a short high kick to the 25. Patriot Fan and their staff in full voice now. Keller gets four yards on a high throw from Sanchez, and that's the third quarter. All hail the Patriots for deciding that the good and virtuous football fans of the world deserve some small amount of drama!

On seond and six from the 29, Sanchez from the gun hits a wide open Cotchery, and the wideout keeps his feet all the way down the sidelines for a 58-yard gain. Big, big play. Toss to Greene right loses a yard. Cotchery for 7 yards on a cross, to the Patriots 8 yard line, as Chung hangs on his ankles. From the gun, Sanchez throws to the corner, and Holmes makes his Super Bowl catch again. Unspeakably great play by the wideout to get his knee down, and that's Sanchez's third touchdown of the day. Folk's PAT connects, and it's Jets 21, Patriots 11. Holmes shows off his maliciously powerful arms while screaming in triumph as we go to commerce. I suppose that's kind of manly, in a down-market way. If you go for that short of thing.

Blackness. Despair. Horror. Weeping. Oh, the horror. If I only had a dog to walk, soulfully, in the rain.

Tate from his end zone is stopped at the 18 as the Green special teams exult. 12:55 left. Woodhead's valiance only gains four, then his mighty heart fails as he fumbles on a carry to the left. Some sanity is restored as the Patriots recover; huge. Third and 1 from the Patriots 27 has been a problem down and distance, but not this time, as Brady takes Welker for 8. 11 minutes left and counting. From the gun, Brady misses Crumpler, and the refs do not call contact/DPI. Malfeasers! Woodhead for four. Third and six with 10 minutes left from the gun isn't done quickly, and Brady from the gun has time and Branch for the first. Revis and Branch jaw, but only Revis can be wrong for doing that, because the Patriots are virtuous. BJGE for three, then Woodhead borrows with integrity for eight. The Green defense just isn't sealing the deal. Woodhead for another seven to the right, and the Patriots are huddling and burning a lot of clock. From the Green 35, the Patriots false start. I'm sure this is all part of some greater plan, and Simms praises Brady for some reason. Welker on a bubble gets nine to the left for another first. Seven minutes left. Woodhead is stopped by Ellis for no gain. Six minutes left. Brady is sullied for the sixth time today, as the Jets use fiendish coverage skills. The sack ties s a Jets playoff record. Wow. From the gun on 3rd and 13, the Jets rush three, Brady has all day, and eventually can't connect with Edelman. Revis appears gassed, and the Jets take a timeout rather than play fourth down without him. Rather than try a 51 yarder with Graham, the Pats appear to want to try a fourth and 13. With 5:19 left, it's kind of a big moment. Revis off after all. Brady from the gun tries for Branch, who drops it. The veteran wideout with nearly Welkerian powers of heart dropped the ball. Of course, had that been Welker, or Woodhead, or some other more traditionally skinned Boston athlete, it would have been a first dwn. But admitting that out loud would speak ill of Patriot Fandom. (Oh, and a less kind observer would note that the time management shown by the Patriots there was kind of McNabbish. Not that you will hear that anywhere else, either.)

Green ball at their own 34. Have to watch for the run blitz that whiffs here. Greene for two, then another four, with the clock running. Four minutes left, big third down here. Tomlinson loses a yard, and the Pats call time with 3:42 left. Satan's Own Defense will have more work to do. Weatherford, a weakness all day, finally gets a good one, but Edelman takes it back a long way. The punter makes the tackle at the Green 43. Big break for the Patriots there, and they've got an awful lot more life than you'd expect.

Brady from the gun with two timeouts and 3:30 left. Brady to Welker for 9, then Woodhead for 4 and the first. Scott's down with an injury, much to the howling Christian hate of Patriot Nation. From the Green 30 in the gun, Brady takes Gronkowski for 12 and a first, then misses Branch. 2:25 left, Scott returns. Gun on second, Brady misses Woodhead and complains to The Littlest Weapn for turning the wrong way. Third and 10 with 2:21 left. From the gun, Brady takes Welker, who is stopped in bounds for just a yard. The field goal team can't get the play off before the two minute warning, and Graham's not counting kick hits the upright and stays out. That's got to inspire some confidence. Huge play to get Welker down in bounds for the Defense of Evil, and take more time off the clock. After commerce, Graham returns to try from 35. Jets Fan remembers him from his Bengal days with fondness... but the real kick is good. Jets 21, Patriots 14 with 1:57 left, and had Folk hit his chip shot in the first quarter, the Patriots could not have done that. Moving on.

To onside kick or not? New England with two timeouts has either option available. The Jets guard against it... and a middle kick bounces crazily about, with any number of players having a shot at it, until Cromartie actually picks it up after Revis whiffs on it, taking it all the way to the Patriot 20. Wildly dangerous, wildly effective play by Cromartie that should seal the deal for Evil.

Green for four and the Patriots second time out. 1:46 left... and Greene goes around end to the house as Ryan joins the celebration in the end zone. Greene is whistled for excessive celebration and gets chastised by CBS, because we must chastise evil. Feel bad, fans of Evil! That penalty will haunt you! Jets 28, Patriots 14. CBS shows Ryan running the world's slowest 40 to join the pile, and there are even J-E-T-S cheers that are audible in the mics, because some Patriot Fans have troublesome staff.

Tate to his own 41 as CBS shows Jets-Steelers highlights. BUT THE PATRIOTS CAN NOT LOSE! Brady to Woodhead for nine yards of questionable intelligence, but huge heart. Welker's days get numbered hard, but he holds on for a connection. Woodhead for 14 more to the Green 24 with 46 seconds left, and this is still within the realm of possibility. Final Patriots timeout. From the gun, Brady tries Goat Branch at the pylon, to no avail. On second, Brady takes Branch at the 12 for a first down. 35 seconds left. From the gun, Brady hits Welker at the goal line, but his pre-game comments about Ryan's feet causes him to drop it. With 24 seconds left, Brady hits Branch in the end zone, and this still isn't over. Unless you had the under. Jets 28, Patriots 21 with 24 seconds left after the Graham PAT.

One more onside kick chance for God's Own Team and the biggest miracle finish ever. Graham tries a center kick again, but it hops Green to Eric Smith, and that, dear friends, is that. And if you think this diary, and any of the coverage in this blog over the past month about the invicibility of the Patriots, was somehow done in less than perfect faith... well, I never.

And I also took the Jets to cover.


The Truth said...

Bears get the game of century against the Pack (at least in these parts) and the Pats lose to the Jets. Didn't we just have Christmas?

DMtShooter said...

Yes, yes we did. I get a Final Four of teams without hate. It's definitely Christmas.

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