Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Top 10 Unique Philadelphia Sports Verbs

To pay tribute to the 7th anniversary of Fourth and Fred, a legitimately huge play that we would remember even if the wideout wasn't one of the biggest flakes and egotists on the planet, here's ten verbs for my hometown homies. Feel free to use to the bewilderment of your friends and co-workers.

10) Fredify. The act of reliving your failed life through a self-serving recollection about one good moment. (Note that this verb isn't named Stairing.)

9) Clarking. The act of ruining your legacy as a player through incompetent or insufferable coaching or general management.

8) Allenate. Uttering a single devastating audio clip that reduces your career to a punchline. (See also Wattersing, though you may have to ask for who, and for what, the exercise is for.)

7) Winstoning. Being hung out to dry as an inexperienced player in your first game on national television, and having it laid to blame on you, instead of the coach that set you up to fail.

6) Conlinise. To justify your increasingly weak work by citing your decades of experience... of producing increasingly weak work.

5) McNegate. To have history rewritten to accentuate only your weak performances.

4) Lidgize. To cause a dramatic loss of confidence in your abilities in such a fashion that even positive results are no longer believed.

3) Sixercise. To exist on a seemingly endless middle-ground treadmill where you bounce from poor to mediocre, without ever giving the appearance that there is a greater plan in place.

2) Roying. Taking less money to come to a franchise that is not historically used to such preferred selection.

1) Andify. Perpetually teasing the fan base by developing winning teams that are fatally flawed, usually in ways that can be predicted months, if not years, in advance.

Feel free to add your own in the comments, or suggestions for future careers for FredEx. (Personally, I've got some leaves in the back yard he can get to...)

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