Thursday, March 31, 2011

Top 10 reasons why Roger Clemens is eager to defend himself in court

10) Since the court dates are in New York in the summer time, it gives Suzyn Waldman a chance to have another orgasm over his entrance

9) Best way to make sure that he continues to overshadow any chance that his kids have of making the majors on their own merits

8) By going to court, he gets to continue to be the person he's always been, which is to say an incredibly egocentric money-chasing tool

7) Gives Brett Favre a continuing role model on how to destroy a legacy

6) Finally free of the corrosive, ever-widening shadow that is Andy Pettite

5) Someone told him that by doing this, he'd get immunity if he decides to throw more stuff at Mike Piazza

4) Will prove, once and for all, that his freak show trial is better than Barry Bonds' freak show trial

3) Might not actually understand the meaning of the word "perjury", or how federal court is not exactly a chuckle hut

2) Convinced that since Michael Vick got through the courts OK, a similar public comeback is going to be a shoo-in

1) Needs to clear the decks of all allegations and ugliness, so that he can finally go to Cooperstown as the first player ever with a dollar sign on his cap

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