Monday, March 28, 2011

Top 10 takeaways from the NFL lockout lawsuit

In Cleveland, Browns fan Ken Lanci has sued the NFL over the lockout, claiming that this is a violation of his contract to buy tickets through his personal seat license. Having pored through the briefs of the case at length, here's everything you need to know.

10) Since Lanci is also a millionaire, the case must be taken seriously by the media

9) By asking for damages of more than $50,000 from both the team and the league, Lanci is making the unique case that Browns football has actual financial value

8) Emotional distress can not be proven, since the Browns never play with emotion, and Cleveland Fan has had it beaten out of him over he course of his entire cursed life

7) The suit proves, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that there is actually a non-athlete millionaire living in the Cleveland area

6) The Browns refuse to comment on the lawsuit, since that might involve effort or paying a lawyer

5) The team is considering a counter-suit against Lanci, since his failure to cheer loud enough at games has prevented them from winning

4) Considering the history of the team since the return of football to Cleveland, it's kind of amazing that there hasn't been more of this

3) On some level, Cleveland Fan is convinced that this is also LeBron's fault

2) Lanci's wet dream is that this actually goes to a jury trial, since that can only end in a death penalty conviction for everyone involved

1) If this case actually pays off, expect tens of thousands of copycat cases in days

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