Monday, April 25, 2011

Top 10 reasons why the NFL lost in court

Today in a U.S. District Court, a judge granted a motion for a preliminary injunction to NFL players, which is likely to lift the lockot that was imposed by the owners on March 11. Why did the owners lose their case in the largest court proceeding to date in the dispute?

10) Jerry Jones' steely gaze and steelier skin generated laughter, not compliance

9) One too many sidewise looks from owner's counsel over the judge's middle name (Susan Richard Nelson)

8) With Tom Brady and Peyton Manning working together to file the injunction request, defeat was statistically impossible

7) Roger Goodell's insistence that the impasse would not be resolved through the courts isn't exactly the best way to impress a judge

6) Periodic supervillain-style outbursts from Jerry Richardson, along with crude pick-up lines of how he wanted to show the judge his torts, proved ineffective

4) The presence of Carl Eller in a court room in St. Paul more or less ensured that the owners' case was doomed, because Carl Eller is Bad Ass

3) The judge somehow didn't see the crushing and urgent need to change the system on a league that brings in over $9 billion a year in revenue, crushes the rest of the landscape in television ratings, and refuses to disclose all books for all franchises

2) Judge Nelson also has tickets for the 2011 Vikings, and knows that the longer the lockout goes, the greater the chance that she'd have to watch Joe Webb under center

1) There is a God, and that God very occasionally does a solid for people who actually work for a living, rather than inherit their wealth

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


And not even remotely funny or insightful.

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