Thursday, April 14, 2011

Top 10 takeaways from Kobe Bryant's $100K Gay Slur Fine

After getting a technical foul in last night's game against the Spurs JV, Kobe Bryant called the referee something unfortunate, leading to All Father Stern dropping a six figure fine on the icon. The Lakers' star is appealing the fine while apologizing to the GLBT community. HOWEVAH, we feel there's more you need to know.

10) The fine is so large because referee Bernie Adams was totally closeted about his situation, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

9) This is totally going to cost Kobe the love of rank and file Laker Fan, who would never root for a superstar who is less than morally upstanding about his behavior or sexual conduct

8) The size of the fine had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the game was nationally televised, and that it was very obvious what Kobe said

7) If Stern was really serious about not tolerating the use of this term, he would have suspended Bryant for an upcoming playoff game, leading to many more gay slurs involving, well, Stern

6) As Kobe said his comments "were not meant to offend anyone", saying that to Adams can only be considered as a particularly aggressive pick-up line

5) Adorably, Kobe still thinks he has some kind of position as a role model, which means that like most of the Laker Nation, he's completely forgotten that Colorado ever happened

4) Bryant averages 14 technicals a year and has been in the top five in this category in five out of the last six years, so it really was a matter of time before something like this happened

3) Hopefully, some good can come out of this, and NBA players can start using racial slurs towards the refs instead

2) Bryant was totally on edge after it was announced that LeBron James passed him this year in jersey sales, because he's just that kind of jealous b*tch

1) Since the Lakers came back to win in Sacramento last night in overtime after blowing a 20-point fourth quarter lead to hold the second seed, God must have judged Bryant's apology to be sincere, or just totally hates gays

No comments:

Ads In This Size Rule