Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Top 21 consolations for Celtics Fans

Just because Celtic Elimination Day is one of my half dozen favorite days of the year (with Cowboy / Patriot / Red Sox / Yankee and Laker Elimination Day), that doesn't mean I don't have a ton of sympathy for you Massholes. Buck up with the following Consolations...

21) Since the defeat was so total by the end of the series, you won't be tortured by visions of what might have been, had Rajon Rondo only stayed healthy

20) After that last few minutes of non-effort, your team will be well-rested for whenever basketball starts again

19) You got a lot out of future building blocks like Delonte West and Nenad Krstic

18) You didn't really want to make Cleveland Fan that happy anyway

17) Any year that the Lakers don't win, you're pretty much OK with

16) Speaking of the Lakers, at least your team lost without flagrant fouling

15) In LeBron James' idiotic analogy, you got to be lunch, and lunch should be your biggest meal of the day

14) There's a pretty good chance that you won't have to pretend to be excited about having Shaq on your team anymore

13) You probably haven't seen your season end on a 16-0 run before, and it's good to experience new things

12) Unlike the Lakers, in your quit game, your club competed for well over half of it

11) Fewer Celtic playoff games means less of Bill Simmons pretending to write about your team, so that's a win

10) I'm pretty sure that the Heat were more scared by you than, well, the Sixers

9) It's not looking too likely that you're going to make the Jeff Green Contract Extension Mistake

8) Now that Ray Allen, Paul Pierce and Kevin Garnett see how much better they need to get, they'll try much harder

7) As I write this, the Sawx are just 5 games out of the division, and 4.5 games out of the wildcard

6) Now that your team is done, you don't have to hang out with Celtic Fans anymore, or watch basketball at all

5) Big Baby's next contract got a lot more reasonable in the last two weeks

4) The team is bound to benefit from an absurdly one-sided trade with a GM who was a former player, so expect Larry Bird to send you Danny Granger for Krstic and Green any minute now

3) If you tell yourself that everyone in America is united in rooting against the Heat now, and that we're all sorry to see your team go, we're pretty sure you'll believe it

2) There's very little chance of any of you getting all emotional about this loss and giving all of the Celtic Haters extreme joy at delighting in your misery online (oh please, please, please)

1) We all know how much you care and feel about your team, and it's OK, because those bad bad men can't hurt you any more


Mike Esclana said...

you're a faggot

Anonymous said...

you're a faggot

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