Monday, July 25, 2011

If We're Talking About Brett Favre To The Eagles, Then Maybe We Were Better Off Locked Out

OK, now that we're finally going back to talking about games rather than theft, extortion and graft, let's address the two great absurdities of the week in regards to who gets to be QB2 for my favorite re-existing football team.

Namely, the Lord Voldemort of Football... Bretty Favre.

When last seen on a sideline, Favre was collecting a paycheck for distracting NFL television personnel with his presence for a going nowhere Vikings that followed up an NFC Championship Game Year with a total trainwreck. He's spent, shot, done, hurt, old, turnover prone, a drama queen, a clubhouse lawyer, and about as welcome in a locker room as a rat in an elevator. He'd also be one of the better backups in the league, mostly because backup QBs stink, but...

Does anyone really believe that Bretty would be OK with being a backup?

Or that Eagle Fan, who is, let's not kid ourselves here, more than wise in the ways of racism, wouldn't pule for him with the heat of a thousand suns at the first sign of weakness from Michael Vick?

And even if you do somehow get the idea that Favre would be OK with the clipboard job, or that Cap'n Andy Reid is so secure in his playpen that any sideshow is welcome... well, let's point out something here.

There are not two less similar QBs in the league, assuming Favre can be said to be in the league. And a big part of the reason why Vick has this job, and not the presumably Arizona-bound Kevin Kolb, is that the offensive line was bad bad bad in 2010, and that only a Houdini act at QB can keep the sticks moving, because only a Houdini act at QB can actually get a throw off before eating turf.

Which would lead the Eagles to run this scenario in the break glass Favre emergency moment... Vick goes down with an injury resulting from a weak o-line, or his own damned inability to settle and manage his season-long availability. Then Favre comes in, and probably gets hurt right away as well, from the same situation that took out Vick. Which gives us what we should have in the first place: Mike Kafka. (Not that I'm in love with the guy, but at least he is, unlike Favre, not so long in the tooth as to have no teeth.)

No, no, no, a thousand times no to the Favre Show, please. If we must have an infamous backup (and ever since Vick came to town, it seems we must), I'd much rather have....

2) Vince Young. VY is a grade-A moron, as judged from his Wunderlic score and career to date, but it's not as if he's skill-free. He's one of the better runners at the position, so the skill set is much better resembling Vick's in the event of injury. He's still got the 6'-5" 232-pound body and arm that made him the scout's dream out of Texas. He still has the track record of success, from his number-retiring college career to some playoff wins as a basic caretaker with wheels. He's still just 28, for heaven's sake, and while the signs aren't good for a guy that couldn't work with Jeff Fisher, there's still some hope here. Maybe not as much as when Vick came to town, but otherwise similar. I don't like the guy, and I don't trust him, but from the sheer forest for the trees of it all, he's a reasonable fit.

(Oh, and if you really want to play Door Number 3 with someone like Matt Hasselback or Kyle Orton? That's all well and fine, but how the hell am I supposed to get page views over boring retread white QBs like those clowns? Moving on.)

So here's the final and can't never be final word on Bretty: if he's in your locker room, that means your organization is weak. If he's the subject of your media, that means your media is weak. And if you really think he's about wining games or going out with another ring, rather than whoring himself out for every possible dollar, regardless of legacy damage or just how silly he makes his dwindling media geishas look...

Well, you're fooling yourself. Just like Bretty, really...

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