Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Top 10 reasons why the Bengals won't trade Carson Palmer

The Bengals QB has said that if his team won't trade him, he'll retire... and has sold his house to boot. What are the real reasons why Cincy won't move him?

10) Just can't inflict that kind of play on any fan base but their own, because the "Bengals" are actually a massive psychology experiment on the mechanics of cruelty

9) Convinced that if they moved him, then Jordan Palmer would be next

8) Want to show the rest of the NFL how we can stop Brett Favre in our lifetime

7) It's not as if the Bengals care about winning games, selling tickets or acting sensibly

6) Afraid that if they give in on this one, 45 other guys would retire, along with the coaching staff, hot dog vendors and parking lot attendants

5) When you've lost as many games as the Bengals have, you learn a few things

4) Were really hoping to get him killed, and teach Andy Dalton an important lesson

3) If they trade him, can't bring back the All Sideshow Team with Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco in 2012

2) Palmer's the only guy on the roster with enough money to bail out Pac Man Jones

1) Mike Brown is in the running for Stupidest Person On The Planet with these people, and needs the extra cushion

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