Sunday, August 14, 2011

Join The FTT Fantasy Football League

Let's face it, folks: we've all been playing fantasy football for too long. Many of us should stop, but we can't, even though the fun is starting to drain out of the enterprise with repeat exposure and the same old rules. So why not mix it up a bit with me this year, and try something new?

Here's the rules of the FTT Fantasy Football League.

1) It will be a live draft where each draft pick comes out of a hat. So you could wind up with the first 15 picks of the draft, or none at all. I find that this keeps everyone on their toes.

2) Draft positions include punters, and you have to take a punter with your first pick. My grandpa was a punter. Miss you, Grandpa.

3) 278 yards in passing is the Magic Number. If your QB gets this amount exactly, you get double his point total.

4) There are no stats for punters.

5) Individual Defensive Player stats are collected, but only on third down. The other downs just aren't clutch enough.

6) It's a head to head to head league, where every week is a 3-way dance of death.

7) If you have the high score for the week, you lose one player from your roster. We find this helps promote parity, and adds strategy to selecting your roster.

8) You are not allowed to start any player in a Thursday Night Game, because Thursday Night Games are an offense against God.

9) Each return yard is counted as a thousandth of a point, and rounded to tens.

10) We don't play for money, just sexual favors from spouses. That way, they all have a real rooting interest in the game. Sometimes, disturbingly non-competitive interests.

So if you want in, just send a link to a photo of your spouse in the comments. We look forward to plowing your spouse!

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