Friday, August 19, 2011

Top 10 Little Known NCAA Rule Violations

After reading today's lovely little moment of insanity from the NCAA, courtesy of a forward from a friend who actually cares about Slave Ball -- err, College Athletics -- I decided to do some more digging into the NCAA rule book. I mean, if we can realistically qualify having spread on a bagel (as opposed to plain) as a rule code violation in a situation where the champions are determined by computer and the corruption is so lush, there really should be a priest or Senator involved...

Well, it seemed like the possibility for High Larity was off the charts. And so it was!

10) Paying too much for a muffler, provided that the muffler is on a coach's, administrator's, player's or announcer's car or face

9) Driving with your hands at 9:57 and 2:05, also known as The Devil's Own Time

8) Failing to use the word "slobberknocker" as a noun, verb, adjective and epiteth at least 10 times per calendar year

7) Being a minority member, talented, and aware of basic injustice

6) Questioning the values of an organization that rewards teams for running up the score

5) Endorsing the idea of tiered and relegated professional leagues that would effectively remove colleges from the poisoned teats of quasi-professional athletics in non-major markets

4) Pointing out any historical parallel between the situation of the athletes and that of, say, Roman centurions or prisoner of war bloodsports

3) Failing to look appropriately penitent and miserable when caught violating any of these rules

2) Taking both sugar and fake sugar in coffee because you ran out of one or the other

1) Challenging the intelligence and need for an organization that's easier to mock than NAMBLA, and more odious as well

1 comment:

snd_dsgnr said...

This is probably hypocritical of me, but the way the NCAA does business bothers me much more in college football than it does in college basketball.

I don't know, I guess I just think that a free college education is a reasonable payment for playing college basketball. Less risk of permanent physical injury, less mandated time spent in school if you don't want to be there, greater opportunity to shine on a national stage even if you choose a small school, etc etc.

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