Thursday, August 4, 2011

Top Ten Takeaways From The A-Rod Poker Scandal

10) Unlike steroids, MLB actually might take this seriously

9) There is no truth to the rumor that when he lost a particularly big hand, he had to start going out with Cameron Diaz

8) His tell is yelling like an idiot when someone raises him

7) When someone wins a pot from him, they've got to watch for the slapping

6) As they learned about this, hundreds of millions of poker players all over the world are imagining an odor like plank-cooked salmon on an open grill

5) The games he played in were illegal, underground, violent, and would still attract thousands of Red Sox, Ranger and Mariner fans who want some of their money back

4) Brian Cashman said "I don't know anything about it" when asked about the scandal, which proves that the magic of high stakes poker has turned A-Rod into a high-priced Japanese pitcher

3) Eric Chavez and Eduardo Nunez are really going to have to work at containing their smiles while this works its way through the process

2) To be fair, sitting at a poker table for hours and hours is really good therapy for surgery on your knee

1) The game he was in reportedly included Tobey Maguire, Leo DiCaprio, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, which means this is a lock to appear on a future episode of "Saturday Night Live"

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