Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Top 10 reasons why Cedric Benson is getting suspended

Bengals RB Cedric Benson is staring down the barrel of a suspension today, with a hearing scheduled to determine whether his off-season conduct, arrest and incarceration demands further league sanction. Why is the NFL willing to take this extra step?

10) Roger Goodell has Bernard Scott is his fantasy league and is tired of carrying him around for no reason

9) It's the only way to get Marvin Lewis to try something new, or remind him that he does, in fact, have a head coaching job

8) Distracts the local populace from the fact that their team is the only club in the NFL without an indoor practice facility, GM, or footballs

7) Retroactive anger over that whole Terrell Owens / Chad Ochocinco reality show

6) If they let Ced walk over this, lots of other guys would engage in drunken boating and repeat arrests in their old college hometown

5) When in doubt, suspending the franchise that hired Chris Henry, Pac Man Jones, Boomer Esiason, Cris Collingsworth, Sam Wyche, Corey Dillon, Carl Pickens, Ki-Jana Carter, Akili Smith, David Klingler, Levi Jones and so many others just seems natural

4) It's not as if Benson's on an NFL team that matters, so suspending him is just kind of fun, really

3) This time, he's sure to learn his lesson, straighten up, fly right, and become a contributing member of society

2) He's going to be out of the league in another 2-3 years, tops, so you've got to get all of the suspending in now

1) He might be gay, a pot smoker, a drunk, a locker room lawyer, a drunken boater, fat and just not very good

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