Saturday, January 14, 2012

40 (Days In The Desert Of) Broncos - Patriots Takeaways

40) The TE draw is a play we are going to see a lot more of in the near future, seeing how TEs now rule the earth

39) It took 110 seconds for me to seriously regret that Denver to cover bet

38) Wes Welker looked like he was auditioning for his own video game avatar after his first quarter touchdown catch

37) Tim Tebow scrambled for 13 yards and made his first good play of a day a quarter earlier than he did against Pittsburgh

36) Willis McGahee looked spry and healthy, two things he generally isn't

35) The Tebow fumble and New England recovery was another sign that Jebus wasn't watching this game

34) You'd never know, from the first half of the first quarter of this game, that the Denver defense was the strength of this team

33) Rob Gronkowski has unfair hands for a man his size

32) If not for the Quincy Carter pick of Tom Brady to give the Broncos a short field, this would have been over even faster than it was

31) Demaryius Thomas converted a third down in the red zone, which is to say he's still the only real WR threat on this team

30) Joe Mays dropped a fairly easy pick opportunity, which would have been pretty damn huge

29) Zoltan Mesko is so good at pinning opponents inside the 20, he doesn't need coverage teams

28) There's a reason why the option hasn't ever worked at the pro level

27) There's conservative, there's John Fox conservative, and then there's John Fox conservative with a shaky QB on the road into the wind

26) Gronkowski got away with a clear push off on his Brady's third TD, not that anyone has ever called the Patriots on that at home

25) Tebow's subsequent three and out was punctuated by a Focus on the Family ad, in case you had forgotten that he was brought to us by Jebus

24) Phil Simms likes 3rd and 20 draws when you are down 14 points on the road against an offense that has turned your team to cheese, since big plays and defensive penalties never happen

23) Deion Branch got away with a clear push off on Brady's fourth TD, not that anyone has ever called the Patriots on that at home

22) Simms and Jim Nance actually got around to discussing this push-off only ten minutes after it happened

21) When the Bronco wideouts drop catchable balls, this Bronco team is truly hosed

20) Simms praised the Patriot defense, ranked 31st in football, for unforced drop errors by the offense

19) Contrary to the evidence shown in this game, Denver actually rushed the passer at times this year

18) I'll be honest with you, I missed good chunks of this game to napping, putting Christmas decorations away, reading my kids to sleep and other aspects of ordinary life that had far more drama than this

17) The Broncos' idea of a hurry-up offense is to ask the RB to try to get out of bounds

16) In a few years, we'll look back on this game as the ending of a hard to believe fad

15) I'd like to personally thank the Patriots for showing the world that when God abandons you, He does it with a vengeance

14) Tebow runs backward into sacks more often than any QB in NFL history

13) Denver kicked a field goal with 17 minutes left and down by 35 points, so that they could get it to four scores

12) Up huge and against a team with no history of personal animosity, the Patriots left in all of their starters, ran a no-huddle offense, passed 2/3rds of the time, called QB sneaks with Brady, and all but dared the gods of karma to strike them down with knee injuries

11) Clearly, God is more interested in punishing those heathens in Pittsburgh than the virtuous, pious, humble and kind citizens of Massachusetts

10) Simms excused the Patriots for running up the score with front-line starters taking big hits as evidence that they just cared more about playing the game, which is to say, he excused their evil as a sign of their stupidity

9) Down 45-10 with 8 minutes left, Lance Ball absolutely destroyed a CB on a downfield run by Thomas, which is one of those He Gives A Crap moments that you just have to feel kindly toward, if you are a Bronco Fan that somehow watched this long without putting your head in an oven

8) Tebow reacts as badly to failure when down by 32 points as he does any other time

7) It's such a shame that Aaron Hernandez got hurt, but concussions are just going to happen when you play the game to win... by using your #2 TE on a goal line carry while up 32 points in the fourth quarter

6) Brady's quick kick with three minutes left prompted a massive brawl, which is going to make for a very awkward post-game prayer huddle

5) Realistically, this game could have gone to kneeldowns at halftime

4) Brady and Bill Belichick now have the most postseason wins of any coach and QB tandem in NFL history, which just goes to show you that there's always a downside to crushing the dreams of religious zealots

3) With a minute left, Jim Nantz cautioned all of the Tebow haters to watch themselves, since he's clearly going to rise again

2) Brady left the field without talking to Tebow, since Brady only associates with football players / his touch would have burned him

1) It's the first Patriots playoff win since 2007, so the Massholes are about to go from insufferable to Beyond Insufferable

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