Monday, February 20, 2012

Top 12 ways the Red Sox are going to win back their fans' trust

Josh Beckett says that "lapses in judgment" were made by last year's historically collapsing team, and that they've got to win back the fans' trust. How are they planning on doing that?

12) Keep Andrew Bailey healthy, Mark Melancon experienced in games that matter, and Bobby Jenks thin

11) Make Carl Crawford try much, much harder for his nearly $15 million a year in platoon outfield play

10) Keep telling anyone with a mic how Boston Fan is really and truly the bestus fan in the whole wide world

9) Promises to personally not get any fatter, more drunk or stupider

8) Run the only manager and general manager who has won a championship for this laundry in the last 95 years

7) If they have another huge lead in September, not just assume that Tampa is going to quit like last year

6) Personally guarantee that the team's best offensive players won't get hurt

5) Sing along to "Sweet Caroline" without any discernible lack of enthusiasm or trace of irony

4) Adopt Major Quimby-esque accents

3) Throw at Yankee hitters whenever possible, since that sort of thing never seems bush-league or backfires

2) Trade off anyone who can stay healthy and be tolerable defensively while playing shortstop

1) Win some games or something

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