Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Top 10 reasons why the Marlins suspended Ozzie Guillen for admitting that he likes Fidel Castro

10) By doing this one single action, will prevent Ozzie from ever saying anything awkward, ill-informed, misguided or controversial ever again

9) Would not want to offend the sensibilities of the ever-dwindling number of Cuban-Americans who actually remember Castro

8) Afraid that unless they nip this in the bud, Ozzie will continue to extol the virtues of all of the world's Communist dictators

7) Friendliness toward the Cuban government might lead to actually getting talent out of the island

6) Our American rights of free speech can only be protected by censoring our employees

5) Jeff Loria thinks that if he does this, he'll actually earn his first friend in the community

4) Heard that Castro was behind the Carlos Zambrano acquisition

3) Are actually owned by mobsters with interests in Havana's dormant casino industry

2) Worried that without stern counter-measures, more team personnel would fall like dominoes under Castro's spell

1) When you change your franchise's theme song to a festive salsa number, and your outfield celebration to something John Waters would find tacky, you have to butch it up somehow

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