Friday, May 11, 2012

Top Ten NBA Playoff Commercial Takeaways

10) Even in a bitterly partisan age, can't we get both political parties to band together to stop Adam Sandler from making movies?

9) Why does Quicken Loans think that associating themselves with scumbags and the .01% eating lobsters in skyscrapers will make people want to give them their financial business?

8) Has anyone ever told Shaquille O'Neal that he is not, in fact, the funniest man in America, and how does his delusion help to sell Buicks?

7) Is anyone else moved to murder by the Shelter Project PSA about stray animals at the shelter?

6) If I eat Quizno's food, will I turn into a sleepwalking zombie that smashes my head until bloody in the middle of the night at my local franchise?

5) Does drinking Bacardi take you magically back to a time of lax enforcement of DUI laws?

4) Are there any NBA fans who have been waiting decades to see the near-death Larry Hagman in a new "Dallas" soap opera?

3) If we all tell Tim Burton and Johnny Depp that they are special quirky little snowflakes, can they stop making twee movies?

2) Why would I want to eat at Sonic, given that I'd be surrounded by some of the worst people on the planet?

1) Is Kevin Durant's focus where it needs to be, given his preoccupation with my smartphone's data plan?

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