Thursday, July 26, 2012

Lima Time

So if you are like me -- and once again, apologies for the age and the shortness and the various forms of irritability -- it's time to start thinking about your fantasy football draft.

Which means it's time to start mulling over which guys might be under and overvalued, how this all used to be a lot easier when the world regarded guys who were OK with numbers as inhuman monsters who were best left shunned (they still do, but the geeks have inherited the world, so there's no getting around them), and how all of this seems to start earlier every year, and not be as much fun.

So I want to make some fun.

Vai Taua is a training camp body, deep on the depth chart for the Seattle Seahawks. I've never heard of him before five minutes ago. It turns out that he went to Nevada, playing with Colin Kaepernick, and posted some good numbers in the WAC. He's 5-10, 225, and absolutely perfect for what I'm looking to do.

I want to fake meme him. Just to see if Blogfrica can.

Seattle is going to lose Marshawn Lynch to some kind of suspension for his latest DUI experience. We all know who Gregg "Fuzzy" Lumpkin is; the back-up plodder on his third team in the last two years. Leon Washington has utility in special teams, but can't stay healthy and is on the downside of his career. Tyrell Sutton is on the roster, and he's a third year guy from that noted powerhouse, Northwestern. Whoopie. Robert Turbin, the rookie from Utah State, doesn't need to be any better than Taua; he's got the "buzz", if such a thing can be said to be had here, just because he's a rook. Clearly, Seattle wasn't anticipating turbulence from Lynch, and didn't see the need to prep a clear replacement / committee member to go with him.

Within a couple of weeks, we're going to know what Seattle actually thinks about the situation. A player will emerge, someone will get some juice from a long run or preseason touchdown. Maybe they sign some third-rate name like Ryan Grant, Cedric Benson, Jerome Harrison or Joseph Addai -- aka, a name we can all pretend to get excited by, since the job is almost as important as the skills, especially at the goal line.

But until then, it's time for the Vai Lima Taua Revolution.

So, here's what we do. Fire off a few Tweets about him. Post non-ironic comments on his abilities, how he's really impressing in the screen game, and what a nice job he's doing in blitz pick-up. Seattle's taking him off special teams! He gets along with all of their QBs! Coaches can't stop gushing about him, and LIMA TIME jerseys are showing up in camp.

All I want is to get this guy owned in a few leagues. For no good reason at all. Just to show how absurd it is to draft now, or how over the top the need to find a sleeper is.

Oh, and if the guy winds up winning a roster spot, or maybe even becoming fantasy relevant?

You owe me. Big. Lima. Time...

No comments:

Ads In This Size Rule