Friday, August 17, 2012

Dream A Little Dream

You Wouldn't Have To Be A Good Shot
Like many people, I use Pandora for streaming Web radio. I've got about five different stations to make sure that all of my moods are covered, and I'm happy to put up with the ads and the occasional glitches, because on the whole, the system does well by me.

But then there's Stevie Ray Vaughn.

Understand, I didn't use to dislike SRV. I use to have a little bit of a fondness for him, know a local guitarist who idolized him, covered him in bands back in the day. I was never a huge fan, but hey, he was an amazing soloist, and the world lost a lot of good playing when he died.

I just don't need to hear him all the goddamn time. And no matter how many times I seem to tell Pandora no, they keep throwing SRV up at me. To the point that when "Texas Flood" comes up, I'm ready to spit nails. DAMMIT, NO. THUMBS DOWN THUMBS DOWN THUMBS DOWN LISTEN THIS TIME YOU STUPID, STUPID...

Which brings us to the return of preseason football to the TV tonight, with the Fox B Team of Kenny Albert (meh) Darryl Johnston (part of the little-known federal law that every prominent person from the Cowboy teams of the '90s must have a broadcasting gig) and Tony Siragusa.

I do not have a "favorite" NFL announcing team: I regard all of them, really, as somewhat akin to unnecessary evils, and dream of a day when I can pay the NFL extra for nerdy analyst types who are contractually required to discuss only the game that is in front of them. They also are not allowed to have been ex-players. But enough of my dreams.

Siragusa is, of course, an ex-player; an overrated blob of a nose tackle for the Ravens who was an important part of the worst Super Bowl ever seen. He used this, along with what I'm assuming were strong persuasion skills and the ability to fill time without falling over, to get a sideline reporter gig... where he pretty much uses the current technology to ensure that the telecast will be as interminable as possible.

Now, understand this: no analyst crew is so bad as to make me want to not watch football. I am a grown man, after all, with the ability to manipulate a volume control. Football, with its constant meetings, is a great sport for getting other stuff done; I write well to it, and have handled any amount of laundry.

But man alive, Siragusa tests this.

And Fox... has decided that what they really need to do in 2012 is give him *more* to do, with a sideline monitor set up that lets him doodle on the screen, see the same things that the booth chowderheads do, and in general, NEVER LET US FOR A MOMENT FORGET THAT HE'S THERE.

You know, in case you were making the foolish mistake of watching the, um, game. Rather than the on-air "talent."

Which leads me to wonder one thing, really.

Why do nutjobs kill random people at the movie theater, the courthouse, or the Post Office...

When there are so many better targets, who also provide you with the instant get out of the death penalty card through their insanity-causing telecasts?

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