Thursday, August 16, 2012

Top 10 takeaways from the Cowboy Bench Lawsuit

I swear I'm not making this up: a Cowboy fan is suing the team for getting burns from sitting on a bench outside Cowboys Stadium before a team scrimmage in August 2010.

No, seriously.

Anyway, here's all you need to know...

10) Yes, the Cowboys' legal representation does give the team a bulk hour billable discount

9) Like the vast majority of Cowboy fans, standing would have been inconceivable

8) To be fair to the plaintiff, it's a bit much that the bench was black with griddles

7) The suit alleges that the plaintiff suffered mental anguish, physical pain and disfigurement from being a Cowboys fan, and also that the bench was also an issue

6) Up until this sentence, this was the first blog post of 2012 to use the words "lawsuit" and "Cowboys" without including "Dez Bryant"

5) The plaintiff did not stay for the game, which meant that her eyesight and nasal faculties were relatively unscathed

4) The team failed to post a warning sign telling the fans that the benches could be hot, which means that people in Texas have lost the ability to determine the temperature of things by touch, and we all owe a big apology to those kind-hearted can design people at Coors

3) If there is any chance that Jerry Jones loses control of the team due to this lawsuit, Cowboy Fan will put up a a statue in this woman's honor

2) When Felix Jones hears about this, we'll open up a wonderful new world of reasons for him to miss games

1) As with all poorly thought out liability lawsuits, you will be hearing about this as evidence of how the country is going to hell in a handbasket from your older relatives for the next 15 years

1 comment:

Cowboys said...

The suit alleges that the plaintiff suffered mental anguish, physical pain and disfigurement from being a Cowboys fan, and also that the bench was also an issue . Great stuff

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