Monday, October 29, 2012

Top 10 consolations from the Giants winning the World Series

A much more problematic sweep
10) Forces America to reconsider their opinion on marriage equality, since it seems to inspire better pitching and defense

9) Pablo Sandoval is sure to respond to his World Series MVP award with a breathtaking celebratory weight gain

8) Gives us more exposure to Brian Wilson, which increases the chance that some nut job will shoot Brian Wilson

7) Barry Zito and Marco Scutaro now have rings, which somehow proves that Billy Beane was right all along

6) The Tigers nearly gave us the minimum number of innings possible with Joe Buck and Tim McCarver

5) All of those poor shivering Fox "stars" can get the hell away from baseball stadiums now

4) Now that Justin Verlander has been solved, he's sure to never trouble the rest of the American League again

3) Speaking of the American League, it's also completely OK that the tiresome narrative of which league is better has been put to rest

2) Gives Ryan The Riot two World Series rings, further proving that

1) Thanks to football, basketball, the election and a billion-dollar hurricane, no one will be talking about this for more than five minutes

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