Friday, December 7, 2012

Top 10 ways the NFL will further limit kickoffs

Yes, Yes You Are
10) Move the kickoff from the 35 yard line to the opponent's end zone

9) Make players switch to leather helmets for just that play, so they remember just how dangerous it is

8) Give the kicking team the option of going for it on fourth and 15, with the understanding that defensive pass interference is totally not getting called

7) Make the penalty for an out of bounds kick to be an automatic possession start at their own 21-yard line

6) Require all running, by both teams, to be backwards, sideways or ironic

5) Two-man wedge replaced by 10-man mist

4) Coverage personnel limited to back up quarterbacks, punter, long snappers and several assistant coaches carrying clipboards

3) Tell the league's return men that they are being replaced by the scab refs

2) Change in-game stadium public address to a spoken word track of "DON'T GET HEAD TRAUMA! DON'T GET HEAD TRAUMA!" during every kickoff

1) Eliminate the play, but continue to show up to ten uninterrupted minutes of ads during the time when it used to happen

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