Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Top 10 takeaways from the Joe Flacco contract

Break Out The Clevelands
10) Now that he's the NFL's highest paid player, he totally has to get drafted in your fantasy league

9) Baltimore had to pay this much, otherwise he would have gone to Arizona and never have been heard from again

8) In other news, Flacco is buying Anquan Boldin a car and Rahim Moore a house

7) Now that he got paid, maybe he can finally afford to fix that unibrow problem

6) Flacco's deal takes him to age 34, when his foot speed will be even more glacial

5) According to the QB, the deal was about respect, which is now seemingly priced at $20.1 million a year

4) The deal includes $52 million in guaranteed money, which is to say, the only kind of money that actually matters in an NFL contract

3) Flacco feels that he'd still be worth the same if he hadn't won the Super Bowl, which means that he really needs to undergo concussion testing ASAP

2) The QB's decision to turn down a deal cost the team over $5 million a year, or more than enough to buy most of Baltimore

1) Please disregard the sounds of widespread giggling and corks popping from the Ryan, Romo and Rodgers households

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