Friday, April 19, 2013

The 2013 Eagle Schedule Is Announced, So Let's Predict The Entire Year Right Now

Haz Vizor, Will Win (Sometimes)
Week 1: At Washington on Monday night. They lose to the rehab return of Robert Griffin the third, because no new coach ever wins in his first game. I hate that they start on MNF, by the way. 0-1.

Week 2: San Diego. This one is far more winnable, especially with the Chargers' road woes in 1pm EST Sunday night games. It doesn't help that it's a short week, but this one sneaks past in the win column. 1-1.

Week 3: Kansas City. The home vengeance game against Cap'n Andy Reid. Coach Chip Kelly solidifies his hold and makes the home town feel far too optimistic, far too early. 2-1.

Week 4: At Denver. Peyton Manning and Company end a lot of illusions with a runaway win. Even when the Eagles were good, traveling to Denver was not fun; this one won't be, either. 2-2

Week 5: At New York. No bounce back, even though New York has been vulnerable at home in recent years. It's as if the franchise sold its soul for the Miracle of the Meadowlands II. Still worth it, I guess. 2-3.

Week 6: At Tampa. A winnable road game; hell, if last year's collection of slugs could do the deed here, so could a team under transition. A win here keeps them at .500, and honestly, .500 is a great thing for a first year coach from college. 3-3.

Week 7: Dallas at home. Talent-wise, this isn't awful, and a win would make them 4-3 and alive in the wild-card hunt. I'm not ready for them to have nice things this soon; they lose to go to 0-3 in the division, and start the torches for the bigger idiots in the audience. 3-4.

Week 8: New York at home, and the moment where even some relatively even-keeled members of Eagle Nation jumps off the bus hard, as the team falls to 0-4 in the division. These are the times that try men's souls, and maybe force a QB change. 3-5.

Week 9: At Oakland. Another winnable home game, but the Oakland track is muddy and the crowd is loud; Oakland also might be a tolerable team this year. The Eagles win anyway, if only because Oakland has had issues in stopping the run for a very long time, and is good at losing games they should not. 4-5.

Week 10: At Green Bay. I'm hoping it will be close and that the defense is more solid by now, but neither will be the case. 4-6.

Week 11: Washington at home, the week before the bye. Kelly finally wins a division game with the second-best win of the year. This win establishes that the Eagles are no longer the division doormat; that would be Washington, who won't be able to keep their QB healthy or their owner from messing things up. 5-6.

Week 12: Bye. Irrational hope grows. If only that one winnable game had been won! Especially with all of the wacky parity and unpredictability in the league this year!

Week 13: Arizona at home. On talent, this is a loss; after a bye, at home, against a West Coast traveling team in a 1pm game, not so much. .500 again, and it feels so good. 6-6.

Week 14: Detroit at home. A must win game against a beatable opponent, but Calvin Johnson is still too much of a beast, and the home crowd has not been a recipe for success. This one puts the dagger in the playoff hopes. 6-7.

Week 15: Minnesota on the road. I really don't like the Vikings this year, and my story of the Eagles is that they are going to be surprisingly good on the road, because they'll be more patient and effective running the football there. This is also the part of the year where Adrian Peterson is in slowdown mode. 7-7.

Week 16: Chicago at home. The Bears will have a lot to play for, the Eagles won't. I think the road team gets it done late, if only because they've owned my club for a long time now. 7-8.

Week 17: At Dallas. In a stirring finale that adds one more brick to the Tony Romo Wall Of Late Season Failure, the Eagles end their season, and the Cowboys, with a spoiler effort for the ages. For the first time in a long time, the season ends with Eagle Fans smiling, feeling very good about the future, and delighting in the misery of people they hate. It's almost better than making the playoffs!

Final season mark: 8-8, out of the playoffs, third in the NFC East

Make your own predictions in the comments, if you are so moved...

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