Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Top 10 takeaways from Jeremy Shockey's admission that he wants to die making love

You Are Doing It Wrong
From the free agent tight end's (hey now) social media feed...

“Sex is the best high. It’s better than any drug. I want to die making love because it feels so good.”

10) Given his confidence in making the statement, we can now safely assume that Shockey has taken an awful lot of drugs, purely as a scientific comparison

9) For the sake of his family, no one tell him about how Michael Hutchence checked out

8) Note that it's good for Shockey; for his partner, well, not so much

7) We can pretty much assume that this isn't something that takes ol' Jeremy a lot of time

6) If this doesn't get cheap Giant Fan to update their jersey purchase, nothing will

5) Within a month, we're pretty sure the Shockey Viagra OD stories are hitting the wire

4) This counts as Reason #8,343,759 why athletes should be seen and not heard

3) If only Shockey were still an active and decent player, we're pretty sure some endowed fan of another team would try to help him achieve his dream

2) Honestly, he's made enough coin, there are people who can help him do this

1) We now have to seriously consider whether Shockey is, in fact, a virgin, or just closeted and bearding very, very hard

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