Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Top 10 reasons why Jason Kidd is retiring

Mug shots make you look old
10) Stopped actually scoring points several months ago, which is something of a problem for a professional basketball player

9) Reasonably certain that he's squeezed every last drop out of a career where he never really mastered the "jump shot"

8) Can't picture being in an NBA where Grant Hill didn't make him feel less old and durable

7) Not a big enough star to get really attractive woman to beat up anymore

6) His style of play, in which the point guard actually passes the ball, is clearly passe

5) Isn't willing to hang on long enough to pass John Stockton for the all-time records in assists and subtle dirty fouls

4) Ready to assume his second career as a broadcaster, coach, and creepy old dude at the Y

3) Wants to spend more awkward time with his very frightened family

2) Knows that if he stays another year with New York, they'll give him too many minutes again and probably kill him

1) Tired of hanging out with all of those pathetic old guys on the Knicks who make too much money and just don't know when to quit

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