Friday, September 20, 2013

Eagles - Chiefs Takeaways: Well, That Was A Hot Mess

Thanks For All The Gifts, Chip
> NFLN found the only Chiefs bar in South Philadelphia, which is in no way irritating, or indicative of a network that has no idea of the size of the relative media markets

> Michael Irvin was stunned that Eagle Fan cheered Andy Reid, because Michael Irvin is an asshat

> The Skank In Tight Clothing Singing An Awful And Awkward Song is, in fact, required by law before any prime time NFL game

> Good God Almighty,  the back-handedness of the media's comments about Philly Fan is borderline unbelievable

> NFLN tells us Andy Reid is such a disciplined person, he felt no emotion about returning to town, without mentioning, um, the performance of his teams in the past few years, his weight, or his family history

> To welcome Reid back, the Eagles special teams covered the opening kick as if he still coached them

> The defense actually got a three and out, which might be the mos surprising thing that's happened this year

> PR Damaris Johnson muffs a fair catch at his own 8, and yeah, that should never, ever happen

> It was nice to see Reid still resorting to stupid gimmick plays with lesser personnel in the red zone

> S Nate Allen actually got a sack that mattered, albeit ten seconds after the ball was snapped

> Somehow, the Eagle special teams didn't give the Chiefs a turnover on their made field goal, and it's 3-0 Chiefs

> Johnson was let back on the field to return the kickoff, and was hit nearly hard enough to satisfy Eagle Fan

> The TAInt on Vick was a poor decision, worse throw and disastrous result, and for the second straight week, the Eagles are down 10-0 at home in the first quarter

> Vick is the best QB on the roster, but that's now twice in three games where he makes a huge mistake to give the other team a defensive touchdown in the first quarter

> NFLN talked about how sloppy the first four minutes were for Philadelphia, as if this doesn't happen more or less every time that teams play on Thursday night

> WR Riley Cooper doesn't make a play on third and long, which is to say, he remains Riley Cooper

> Reid tried to use Chip Kelly's tempo on third and short, but RB Jamal Charles failed for another defensive stop

> Exceptional Sarcasm Cheer for Johnson on the fair catch there

> Vick goes for 60 yards, and the offense snaps it again so fast, we can't see the replay, which is just awesome

> Vick to WR Jason Avant for the score was a perfect ball from a QB that knew he was about to get crushed

> This offense really is Scary Great Or Cover Your Eyes bad

>  Kelly got too clever with a swinging gate two-point conversion attempt, and it's Chiefs 10, Eagles 6, and Wackiness 0

> I'm not sure how that play is supposed to work, what with the long snap to a guy who doesn't have enough people to block for him

> CB Bradley Fletcher coming back makes this defense look almost NFL level

> DE Vinny Curry got on the field and in the face of the QB, two things that we really hope to see more of

> On 3rd and 15 when you get pressure on the QB, you shouldn't give up the first down on a dump off pass, even with a blatant and uncalled clipping

> QB Alex Smith with an empty backfield does not exactly fill me with terror, and having him sprint to a side of the field makes things even more comfy

> McCoy's patience in the hole is great, and so is the blocking to give him that time, because this line is a *lot* better at run blocking than pass blocking right now

> Vick for 24 more looks almost easy, which is, of course, the cue for another inexplicable turnover, this one all on C Jason Kelce

> Three turnovers in the first 14 minutes is a really special tribute to the Reid Era

> NFLN buried the Eagle defense for a couple of missed tackles on Charles, kind of forgetting how they gave up just three points on three possessions so far tonight, against terrible field position and turnovers

> Kelly took a holding penalty to try to get the Chiefs out of field goal position, rather than take a fourth down, which says something about his level of fear of Smith

> If the Eagles got this much pressure last week, this game would be between two not very good unbeaten teams

> K Ryan Succop missed from 51 on a kick that would have probably been good from 45, so Kelly's penalty take and the play of the defense saves three points there

> McCoy's getting really good at getting the ball back to the refs with alacrity

> DE Tamba Ali made LT Jason Peters look bad for a drive-ending sack, which really doesn't happen all that often

> The third down slant to WR Donnie Avery for 51 yards is the kind of play that should get coaches fired

> On third and goal, Reid went empty backfield and tried to force-feed WR Chad Hall, which is to say, I don't miss Andy Reid at all

> Succop's make from 31 makes it 13-6 Chiefs in a game where they really could be up by a lot

> McCoy's ability to make three yards out of nothing is positively Sanders-esque

> Ali whiffed on Vick where he was clearly just going for the turnover, and Vick obliged with another awful pick a play later

> I think we've all understood by now that throwing to Cooper is never a good idea

> I'm starting to wonder if Donovan McNabb invoked a Gypsy curse on this franchise for constant INTs on being traded

> DT Fletcher Cox was faster than Smith, and made #1 pick Eric Fisher look bad

> How you give up massive third and longs on underneath crossing routes to Donnie Freaking Avery is beyond understanding

> Charles made LB Mychal Kendricks look bad, but to be fair, he does that to a lot of guys

> With 3:15 left in the half, Reid finally went for old time's sake and called an inexplicable timeout

> LB Connor Barwin could have had a TAInt off pressure from Curry

> Succop's third attempt of the half, and second make, gives the Chiefs another 10-point lead

> McCoy going down at the two minute mark, at the tail end of yet another great run, is just about the worst thing that could happen... and then he got up and ran off, even though he went to the locker room

> Vick's just not getting rid of the ball with any speed in this game, which is kind of the whole point of Kelly's offense

> When you aren't winning the battles at any point on the offensive line against a team that you've gashed for a lot of running yards, that's all kinds of troubling

> Avery and Smith ran the Reid speed offense to perfection by getting tackled in bounds, then having the classic waste five seconds before spike play to boot, costing KC another figgie chance

> Smith is such a game manager, he doesn't even throw picks on Hail Mary jump balls int he end zone

> No McCoy to start the second half, and another terrible snap from Kelce, gahhh

> Vick to Avant to get out of the hole, and for once, the mistake was on KC, tacking on another 15

> McCoy to the sidelines and looking determined, which is all kinds of manly

> Evan Mathis with a false start, and now every man on the OL has made a mistake

> Berry's second pick of the night shouldn't be one, and finally wasn't

> Third and one, gimmick run to Charles, and it's as if the Eagle defense was expecting that kind of crap call or something

> McCoy for 30, and it's a shame he's not healthy

> Cooper finally got a catch as CB Shawn Smith made sure to sit down on the field, rather than go three feet to the sidelines

> Cooper with a clueless motion penalty on third and nine, as he had no idea what the play was, or when

> Vick's the only QB in the league to throw terrible INTs on free plays

> For a run first offense, they get away from that far too easily in the red zone

> Vick was lucky to avoid another back-breaking INT on a red zone throw to Celek

> K Alex Henery connects to make it 16-9

> This really isn't the right time for the special teams to make KR Quinton Demps look like he's actually good

> If Vinny Curry is inactive again this year, we riot

> Back to back sacks is downright porny, and the subsequent incompletion and declined hold was also tasty

> Kelly might have been tempted to take that hold, the defense was playing so well

> Again, almost like people, Eagle Fans have cute kids

> Vick to DJ for the nice big fly was pretty, and seemingly available at any time, against any opponent

> Vick hit a Chief in the head on third and 12, then Henery misses from 47, and that's one more for the file of Sloppy Missed Opportunities

> Allen finally found an NFL player he can dominate -- perpetual tease Dexter McCluster

> Avery for yet another first down, as S Patrick Chung whiffs

> On third and four, Smith to bearded freak TE Sean McGrath for a back-breaker to start the fourth

> It took Reid 45 minutes of game time to remember that he had Charles, and the Eagles aren't good at stopping the run, and it's Chiefs 23, Eagles 9

> Vick misses Celek by an awful lot, then it's Peters with a false start when McCoy was off to the races... gahhhh

> Vick converted a third and long, prompting another phantom cramp from the Chiefs

> Avant with a great tip catch, and it's snapped before review

> McCoy then takes it for 41 and the score, and that was all kinds of fun, not the least of which because the blur offense prevented us from seeing if Avant really caught the earlier ball

> This might be the first offense in NFL history that should run it in two minute drills

> McCluster really isn't a good NFL player, as the following kickoff "return" proved

> S Earl Wolff with the nice takedown on Charles on a screen

> LB Brandon Graham with the sack was nice to see

> On third and long and all the momentum in the world if you make a play, it's Allen not stopping the throw to Avery, of course

> Charles limped off after a helmet lead, which might be important

> The defense picked a really bad time to remind us why they aren't very good

> On third and 2 at midfield with everything on the line, Reid calls a timeout, which was all kinds of flashbacky

> The kill play is, of course, an ineffectual blitz for an easy throw and catch first down

> The Eagles then went to run blitzes, which is to say, the Chiefs won the game by running the ball

> On third and five to end it, Smith finally misses one, as CB Cary Williams had WR AJ Jenkins tight

> Succop for yet another figgie makes it a 10-point game again with 3:21 left

> False start, "Everybody but the center" will be the defining moment of this game

> Kelly went for it on fourth and 20, which was the right move at least

> Unlike Reid's teams, the defense didn't quit late, and made a fourth down stop to make thie final score close

> Vick got caught from behind on yet another bad moment from Lane Johnson, and that's the obligatory Vick's Hurt moment of the game

> It's also Yet Another Turnover, and if you want to start the Nick Foles Should Start Bandwagon, feel free, though you really should wait until they get slaughtered in Denver first

> The Chiefs doused Reid with Gatorade, because, well, why not

> There is no doubt to the fact now that Washington is really, spectacularly, jaw-droppingly, bad

> I'm taking the Shooter Mom to the Tampa game in three weeks, which I'd like to apologize for now, in advance

> Losing by 10 when you turn it over 5 times and allow 6 sacks is kind of amazing, really

> Can anything stop, and does anyone enjoy, Thursday night games?

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