Friday, November 22, 2013

FTT Off-Topic: Lies My Brain Tells Me

As always with FTT O-T, not sports and not worried about it; read or skip.

The Scene Of The Lying In Daylight
 Tonight, for the sixth straight day and 173rd of 2013, I ran, for a significant amount of time and distance. And it struck me, as I was doing so, just how much my brain lies to my body while I do this, and how, if I ever really stopped to think about the feasibility of these stories, I'd stop.

These lies include:

> That I run for my family, and that the fitness benefits them. This assumes, of course, that they are down with the 136 hours, and counting, that I've been away from them to run. (Actually, more like 400, since most of my running is at a gym, and involves travel, other exercise, and showering.) Or that I don't run fairly often just for the solitude.

> That I'm getting better at it. I'm really not. There's something wrong with my form, or my body, or my nutrition or sleep patterns or footwear. All I know is that the knees lock and shut me down a lot sooner than the rest of the breakage, and after all this time, running faster than a 10-minute mile is still damned deadly difficult.

> That I might, one day, run a marathon. I've never really been able to go more than 8 or 9 miles at one time, and it's a serious accomplishment to fight off cramping and knees just to get in 6. Normally, I cut it in two parts around a bathroom break or weights if I'm at the gym. And even if I did somehow get the endurance, my pace says I'd be lucky to finish it in 5 or 6 freaking hours.

> That I need to do this in a gym. For the past week or so, with the work load at the day job reaching historic levels and the kids having more activities of their own (we only have one car), I've worked out a 3-mile route through the neighborhood that avoids traffic. I've also been running it at hours that my gym is closed, while being appreciative that my hoodie use hasn't gotten me a George Zimmerman's interest. (I keed, I keed. I mean, I'm also white and small and old.) I could, of course, had been running this route on a daily basis for years now, and saved myself a lot of time, while also making my gym visits all about the lifting, rather than a mix. Then, I'd be further along on those goals, too.

> That I really want to be further along on those goals. I like being strong, but I don't want to really look like I am. Secret Muscle Hobbit is much better than Small Guy With Obvious Issues.

> That I'm doing this because it makes me feel better. It kind of does, in that any exercise is good at sweating the negativity out of a mind. But I could do that and have a cleaner house, too. The bigger reasons why I run is because I want to eat as if I'm still in my 20s, and never have to buy clothes for any reason other than wearout.(We also don't use a clothes dryer, so my clothes don't really wear out.)

> That this is going to make me live longer, and better. Maybe it will, but there is no guarantee, and the simple math and reality is that, at 44, the chance that I'm not already on the back nine is increasingly remote. If I wind up going down early due to something that has nothing to do with fitness, I'm going to feel incredibly cheated. (Also, when my time comes, the narcotic and/or hallucinogenic abuse is going to be exceptional. That's what those are for, right?)

> That I'd still be doing this without a spreadsheet and monthly quotas, or that my daily email reminder with my fitness resolutions isn't a critical part of the equation. Honestly, it's like I'm managing a particularly dimwitted employee here, or working for a ridiculously inflexible and deceptive manager. One more mile, my ass.

> And finally... that this ability to lie your way into fitness isn't, in fact, the single biggest challenge involved in a long-term commitment to fitness. 

I run, because not running is worse. And I'm kind of convinced this is the only reason anyone does.

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