Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Top 10 reasons why the Braves are building a new stadium

It's Meme Time
10) Current stadium has been unable to overcome being in Atlanta and patronized by Braves fans

9) Only way to put that whole Barves thing behind them

8) Moving to the suburbs puts them closer to their fan base, and further away from those baseball-hating minorities

7) Old stadium must be haunted, since it keeps making those spooky and irritating chant noises

6) Really want to explore just how long human beings will sit in a traffic jam

5) Decades of playoff failure can clearly be pinned on the stadium

4) Cobb County's strict anti-gay ordinance record means that the team will get forfeit wins over an ever-increasing number of teams

3) The move also gives them a huge edge in free agency recruiting, since they can end every pitch with, "If you don't sign with us, that just means you're totally gay"

2) The new yard will be part of a big mall, which is management's idea of cool, and, um, I have no joke here because I've been overwhelmed by the soul-crushing sense of ennui that only a suburban Atlanta mall can produce

1) Like the team, the current stadium is loved by no one, and will hardly be missed

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