Friday, December 27, 2013

Top 10 takeaways from Nnamdi Asomugha's Retirement

How We'll Remember Him
10) It's a little bit telling that Oakland won't let Asomugha play in a last game for a team that has nothing at all to play for

9) There's no truth in the rumor that this is all a great big thank you for leaving before killing them in a big money signing

8) After the ceremony, there will be a lavish lunch in Asomugha's car

7) Asomugha promises to deliver a great speech for the first 70% of the event, then inexplicably stink it up for the rest of his time there

6) Philadelphia-area sporting goods stores to donate utterly unsellable jerseys as a free giveaway, with all leftovers going to the same sub-Saharan nations that get all of the losing Super Bowl gear

5) To properly mark his time with the Niners earlier this year, that organization is sending over one half of a ham sandwich

4) Club asks press and fans to not make any sudden movements during the speech, so that Asomugha doesn't fall down and lose control of the proceedings

3) Brandon Boykin could do this appearance for a tenth of the money, but Andy Reid asked the Raiders to just lower their head and do the dumb thing, over and over again, for old time's sake

2) After the event, the league's fans and media agree to forget, once and for all, how to spell and pronounce his name

1) Asomugha to dry his tears with hundred dollar bills, then go home to wife Kerry Washington, just to prove that life is just a big old pile of fairness


Tracer Bullet said...

Kurt Coleman turned down a request to let Asomugha scream at him one final time.

DMtShooter said...

To be fair, I think everyone in the NFL screamed at Coleman in 2012. With the noted exception of Trent Richardson.

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