Tuesday, March 4, 2014

From the people who brought you Creamsicle Losers and Pewter Pirates, It's The New Awful Tampa Bay Buc Look

At least two colors too many
People, people, people...

I get that Ugly is the New Hawt, and that NFL teams are basically staring down those Oregon and Baylor Nike jersey sales and wondering how they get on that gravy train of fools being separated from cash. Also, that the Bucs are desperate to do anything to get us past the Greg Schiano / MRSA Era, which threatened to add a new low to a franchise that, despite a Super Bowl title, has been among the NBA"s worst since their inception some 35-odd years ago.

It's also a strong sign of Creeping Codgerdom when you sneer hard at any new jersey. It's right up there with You Kids Get Off My Lawn to tell them to stop wearing Those Jerseys That Don't Look Like What I Remember Them Looking Like. I'm also well aware that if over '40s ruled the world and bought all of the merch, no jersey would ever change, and there would be a lot less stuff for sale. You get this old, you start worrying about retirement and college funds, rather than having a fresh ridiculous gamer in your closet.

Finally, I get that Laundry Is Laundry, and that people who are on the front lines of the Laundry Wars are quirky at best and tiresome at worst, even though I count some among them as friends. I'd gladly put my Eagles in their very worst look (that would be the dull as dirt midnight green mess, assuming that you have forgotten the Swedish Nightmare Throwbacks, and Dear God In Heaven, You Really Should) if it somehow led to a post-season parade. If it gave them even a hair of an advantage, I'd be perfectly fine with them wearing gear that caused their opponents to become nauseous.

But, um... are there any working graphic designers in Florida? Or people with eyesight? Or anyone at team management with any decency, any shred of decency at all, Senator?

If you need more than two dominant colors on your jersey, you are doing it wrong. If you use four and go to that little-known realm of Canuck Land, it's a war crime. And when the font is making some other kind of decade or video game statement, that doesn't look like they match what's on the shoulders...

This is some kind of joke, right? Or Tampa's got a new Arenaball team?

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