Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Top 10 reasons why the Heat are targeting Carmelo Anthony

Designated Scapegoat
10) Feel that it would help the state if wealthy aging New Yorkers were given the idea of relocating to Florida

9) Team clearly needs a hero ball option for stagnant offensive possessions

8) He's clearly better than Michael Beasley, or even Rashard Lewis, and that might be all they need him to be

7) Fantastic scapegoat for any future failings

6) Natural fallback if LeBron James decides to quit basketball to take up baseball, get a sex change operation and join the WNBA, or evenly more unlikely, go back to Cleveland

5) It's not as if the team needs a point guard, big man with defensive skills, or three-point shooter that isn't pushing 40

4) Would finally give the team's superstars an opportunity to cash in on lucrative off-court business opportunities

3) Anthony's commitment to padding his regular season numbers would help the team's real stars get even more time off in the Leastern Conference from October through April

2) Asking all of the team's players with rings to take pay cuts so they can have enough cash to attract a moody ball hog is sure to work from a chemistry standpoint

1) Would finally make the team likable to non-Heat fans, and get the team critical media exposure

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