Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Pound Sterling

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So there's a piece today from NBA commissioner Adam Silver, who says that he can't say for certain when Donald Sterling will be out of the NBA.

Um, Adam?

I'm a huge fan, honest. The fact that you look like Skeletor but aren't David Stern will be enough for me for at least five years, and your immediate smackdown on The Even Worse Donald will work for a long damned time.

But now is not the time to start treating this man as if he's anything but the walking embodiment of cancer. (And by the way, can't we do something to hurry his cancer along?)

So when you say things like, "I can say with certainty that we are doing everything in our power to move Donald out as an owner in the NBA."

Um, no.

Try this on for size instead.


"Until the ownership is changed, the NBA will not manufacture or sell any Clipper merchandise."


Not enough?

"As long as Donald Sterling is the owner of the Clippers, they will have no games on TNT, ESPN, ABC, NBA.tv, or NBA League Pass. We will also not make their highlights available to the media."

Or maybe this.

"If Donald Sterling is the owner of the Clippers at the start of the 2014 season, the team will forfeit its draft picks for the next five years."

Not macho enough?

"If Donald Sterling is the owner of the Clippers at the start of the NBA season, the team will be denied entry at every NBA arena, and none of their games will be played. The games will be ruled as official forfeits."

Or, in the immortal words of Mike Ermantraut... no half measures.

"If Donald Sterling is the owner of the Clippers, the NBA will contract the team, and declare all of the players free agents. To staff the league's 30th team, the Association will reinstate Seattle or Vancouver, and the new team will play its games in the Pacific Division."

He's going to sue you until the day he dies, boss. There's no way to get around that. So stop playing softball, take the gloves off, and make everyone he controls unemployed.

You're in the fight of the Association's life, with a universally reviled figure that, if let to his own devices, will cause your league's players to have to enter into a netherworld of no-win politics.

Take him down, by any means necessary. Let everyone involved know that you will act to devalue this franchise as much as possible, and that the sanctions will not magically go away when he sells, so that the resale value will stay down. Promote a D-League franchise to take their place. Grow a pair.

Because heaven knows this asshat has got nothing better to do with his time than to think he's the most persecuted putz on the planet. And he's going to think that whether he is or not...

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