Thursday, July 10, 2014

Top 10 reasons to root for Germany in the World Cup Final

Werner Herzog's Happy Face
10) Gutting Argentina like a trout is the least they can do for Brazil after that historic beatdown

9) It makes everyone involved with the U.S. team feel so much better about that 1-0 loss in group play

8) Would help more people in the U.S. admit to their true heritage, because, um, that kind of didn't happen for a few decades here

7) If you hate this sport and the attention it's been getting, they are doing all they can to make everyone forget how close and exciting this tournament has been

6) Those Argentinian bastards have no right to the Falkland Islands

5) They've had dozens of years without a World Cup win, and with way too much David Hasslehoff

4) If they win, we get Happy Werner Herzog, which is to say the strangest Werner Herzog there is

3) Have actually been the best team in the tournament to date, and it's always kind of nice when the best team wins one of these things, rather than just the luckiest

2) Validates Jurgen Klinsman's strategy of sweet talking the sons of U.S. soldiers in Germany

1) When Germans don't get what they want, Bad Things Happen

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