Friday, September 5, 2014

Top 10 takeaaways from tonight's Seahawks-Packers Kickoff Game

19-1 in his last 20 home starts
10) The rumors of Marshawn Lynch's committee cuckolding have been greatly exag- gerated

9) If Pete Carroll really is going to keep CB Richard Sherman on the same side all year, and never adjust him to the other team's WR1, the poor man is never going to remain awake, and you'll be able to start your top WRs against the Seahawks after all

8) Just to infuriate fantasy honks, Russell Wilson threw touchdown passes to guys no one owns

7) Earl Thomas did all he could as a punt returner to keep the Pack in this one, and America interested

6) It turns out that NT BJ Raji is the only thing keeping Green Bay's run defense in the NFL

5) Eddie Lacy was held to 45 total yards from scrimmage, though to be fair, 70 of those came after contact and/or concussion

4) Jon Kuhn fulfilled his historic role of vulturing touchdowns from every actual Packer skill player while inspiring white people to chant a racial slur

4) No one is ever going to mistake him for a star, but Zach Miller made a ridiculous number of plays tonight

3) Clay Matthews looked spry and useful for a small amount of time tonight, which means we're going to have him fellated by announce crews for another year

2) Aaron Rodgers is one of the best QBs in  the league, but he doesn't exactly strike fear in teams when he's behind, and his linemen are dropping like flies

1) Seattle really doesn't look like they care very much about this whole Super Bowl teams can't repeat business

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