Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Twelve Brief And Obvious Points About Ray Rice's Release

This Exists, So, Um, Yay
12) Everyone who wants to keep using Rice's first name, as if they are still going to keep in touch and they can still be friends, isn't doing themselves any favors. As a base rule of thumb, you should use the last name of monsters and criminals, lest you be thought of one as well.

11) Rice's family might not want to leave these two alone for a good long while, if you catch my drift. There is $10 million in contract cash that was voided today, and we know he's got Anger Issues. To put it mildly.

10) Any person that wants to talk about what a great job the NFL did, or how quickly the Baltimore Ravens acted, is a ridiculous shill that needs to really think about their life choices. And should be shunned by any human being with dignity and/or self-respect.

9) There is no one in this that comes out looking good, and anyone who thinks that there needs to be some praise sent around to some organization... well, um, No. But the Fox and Friends people who want to have a chucklefest about how them black celebs should take the stairs? Please, Lord, tell us You are building a special circle of Hell with the really nasty stuff?

8) Roger Goodell will not lose his job over this, because Roger Goodell will never lose his job for anything... but in any other reasonable corporate situation, he would. Either the man was too incompetent to ask for elevator footage (honestly, you didn't ask for more footage?), or he did see this before hand, and gave Rice half a pot brownie suspension anyway. He should go. He won't.

7) We will not be discussing this for more than 12 to 24 hours in mainstream media, because the largest media companies and advertisers are already in bed with the NFL, and will not allow their news divisions to hurt the bottom line of the only television program with mass and growing audiences, not to mention intensely large rights fees.

6) Any one that really thinks that Rice might surface somewhere else is out of their goddamned minds. He'd need to be Barry Sanders to get over the Michael Vick On Steroids PR stink that would ensue, and his talent level now is barely above scrub. (Vick, it should also be noted, was and is contrite, did time, gave to charity, and was a better player than Rice, at least for a while. And is still the most despised player in the NFL.) OJ Simpson has about as much chance as drawing another game check as Rice.

5) There will be no long-term PR damage to the NFL, because there really isn't anything that can do long-term PR damage to the NFL. And even if there was, the media would eat it. (Think I'm kidding? Consider how little relative press the scandal that is online education receives, then tie that into the fact that the larger for-profits are owned by -- drumroll - media companies. Moving on.)

4) If you honestly think that this is the last you will hear about Rice, and that he's not going to be incarcerated on something or other in the next three to five years, I find your lack of cynicism charming. And really need to get you a seat at my poker table.

3) If you honestly think that no one saw this footage before today, and that today's PR hellstorm was all the doing of some yellow dog sports blog... seriously, poker, this Friday night? Would really love to have you, it's a friendly game, we don't play for any kind of real money. You'll have fun.

2) This is a fitting legacy for the Revel Casino, a spectacular boondoggle and tax waste that should be as big of a scandal for NJ Governor Chris Christie as Bridgegate.

1) If Rice is the only person involved in this mess that loses his job, that's astounding. And clearly the fervent hope and dream of everyone involved who isn't, well, Rice. Good luck with that. You utter pieces of filth...

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