12) How much of your success do you credit to your magical Mormon blood and underwear?
11) When you are on the set with Ray Lewis, are you OK with turning your back to him, and how hard do you try to avoid direct eye contact?
10) Besides San Francisco, which NFL franchise has the most spoiled, front-running and remarkably douche-tastic fans?
9) If the Bucs hadn't drafted Vinny Testaverde and traded you, how much faster would you have been driven out of the league with concussion related damage?
8) When Trent Dilfer talks about playing the quarterback position, how do you keep a straight face?
7) Now that you have a law degree and the possibility of steady employment, are you finally financially secure for your senior years?
6) Do you still have any of that sweet, sweet LA Express gear, and are you disappointed that the team never retired your number?
5) Here's a hypothetical. You are walking in a forest and see Terrell Owens and Lawrence Philips drowning to their deaths in separate tar pits. Which one do you throw more rocks and garbage at?
4) When people talk to you about the great legacy of Niner QBs, do you consider them asshats for having any other QB before you, and start choking back bile if they mention Jeff Garcia?
3) Do you credit Brett Favre's playoff victories against you for his willingness to take the role in "There's Something About Mary"?
2) Did getting inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame significantly improve the quality of trim offered up to you on a daily basis?
1) So, Joe Montana. Big dick, or biggest dick?