Monday, March 9, 2015

A Small Note to Angry Eagle Fan: Chip Kelly Blew Up A Facade

Ain't Chip A Stinkah
First off, I'm with you. The idea of an offense where Scheme is supposed to still work with a rampant exodus of Speed and Talent, and how top-flight offensive talent is supposed to all just go away in the theoretical prime of their careers without the offense careening into the gulch, it's a hard thing to imagine. (Mostly because you could watch tempo offenses without talent in 2014 in Buffalo and Miami, and no, they weren't good.)

I'd also contend that having two of three said Playmakers leave for Zero Compensation (yes, this is still the DeSean Jackson Problem, something I'm not sure that I'm ever going to fully forgive the management for) is Not Advisable.

You can also, if you like, tear your hair out over how the back end of the roster are all low-ceiling Oregon Guys, that being pretty much a given since if you have a particularly high ceiling, you probably don't go to Freaking Oregon in the first place. (Also, that the end of the roster doesn't matter for anything beyond special teams work, which was excellent last year. Hmm.)

Finally, I'm entirely OK with the idea that More Mark Sanchez is never something you should willingly celebrate, because More Mark Sanchez makes me remember Mike McMahon, and that makes me assume the fetal position. It also makes me also wonder what Sanchez does for you that Matt Barkley does not, except kill the possibility of hope that Barkley might be less like Sanchez with time, experience, and electric shock aversion therapy.

But... and here's the hard part... you're going to be a fan of the laundry anyway. Even if all of this blows up in their face, and Chip Kelly, Genius Coach and What The Hell You Mook GM, goes back to college with a shrug in his heart and a hell of a lot more job security in his wallet.

Because... the franchise has won NO playoff games in the past 6 years, folks. (And we are all, of course, Still Fans. God help us.)

Not one. People are walking around on the planet that can tie their shoes, relieve their bowels and operate electronic equipment that have not been alive for an Eagles win of actual importance. (Last win? The 23-11 beatdown of the Giants, where Donovan McNabb picked up a phone on the Giants sideline for his last great act as an NFL player.

How long ago was that?

George Bush was still the President.

Yes, seriously.

Here, I'll make it worse. Here's the full list of NFL teams that have not won a playoff game in the last six years.

Cincy. Kansas City. Buffalo. Cleveland. Miami. Oakland. Tampa. Tennessee. St. Louis. Washington. Jacksonville.

That's all, folks! 11 out of 32 teams that you can look down your green and white beaked noses at. How dare Chip blow that up!

So... I'm not happy Maclin left. The team has a big unanticipated hole at WR, and an increasingly empty ledger of home-grown talent.

But Maclin has also had multiple career-threatening injuries, and no one gets out of football healthy. He would have been the best WR on the roster in 2015; if he was still that in 2016, that's not necessarily a great thing.

The team could, especially if they can pry OLB Jason Worilds away from Pittsburgh (money really should not be a problem now, right?), the best collection of LBs on the roster since the Ryan Era.

The team will, in all likelihood, retain an extremely strong special teams unit.

The team will, in all likelihood, be good at offensive line, especially if they can get G Orlando Franklin (Denver) or G Mike Iupati (San Francisco) to sign. Iupati especially might be moved if Frank Gore reaches out to him.

They might be able to bring in Ravens WR Torrey Smith, who is a hair younger, a hair bigger, a hair faster and a hell of lot less injury-addled than Maclin. Smith has already said his goodbyes to Baltimore, and it's hard to imagine he's going to find a team that will give him more money than the cap-riffic Eagles. You also know he can handle this kind of weather and environment, since Charm City is basically Philadelphia Lite.


Hate the Gore and Sanchez signings all you like. Rage at how the club could have locked up Maclin last year, during the year, and avoided the fire drill situation that they find themselves in now. (And seriously, you don't want to know what happens at WR if they can't get Smith. Cecil Shorts, anyone? How about Michael Crabtree? The rotting corpse of Hakeem Nicks? Homeless DeSean Jackson, aka Percy Harvin? Ye Freaking Gads, people.)

But settle down and stop looking past the great and good fact that you aren't going to have to see Cary Williams or Bradley Fletcher wave feebly at a WR1, ever again. Keep in mind that Gore has never been anything but a *good* RB, and that he was a very good RB late in 2014. Understand that every NFL team is hosed when they get to QB2. And that FA season is far from over, and that no one really cares if you were the first to say Chip Kelly Ruined Everything...

Because, honestly, what part of No Playoff Wins In The Obama Administration were you enjoying?

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