Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Top 10 reasons why ex-NFL player Darren Sharper may only serve 10 years in jail for raping 9 women

From the makers of "Oh, This Is Bad"

10) In Sharper's defense, he's not gay and hasn't come out in favor of paying college football players, so it's not like he's 100% monster

9) He hit people really hard back in the day, and the justice system loves them some big hits

8) Didn't rape anyone while wearing official NFL licensed apparel, so there's less damage to the "Shield" than expected, really

7) By spreading the rapes around to four states, he really got more for his rape dollar

6) He was smart enough to avoid children, animals or men, otherwise known as groups that America cares about

5) That 2009 Super Bowl ring he earned while with the Saints really helped heal the nation's psyche after Katrina

4) In comparison to Aaron Hernandez, Rae Carruth and OJ Simpson, he's small potatoes when it comes to NFL Felon

3) There's footage of him wearing pink gear during October, so that has to count for something

2) His attorney, Saul Goodman Esq., really did a hell of a job on the plea bargain

1) Sentence serves a clear and potent message to half of the nation's populace that, no, there really isn't anything changed after the Ray Rice Affair

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